1
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:15,723
Come on.
2
00:00:21,103 --> 00:00:23,021
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
3
00:00:23,147 --> 00:00:26,608
Don't forget the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkies.
4
00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:31,234
You can count on me,
you dirty young man.
5
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:35,076
Oh...! Oh!
6
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,077
- Goodbye.
- Bye-bye.
7
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:38,955
Goodbye. Bye.
8
00:00:39,121 --> 00:00:41,706
Bye... bye. Bye-bye.
9
00:00:41,874 --> 00:00:43,584
Old buzzard.
10
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,556
Hold me, touch me.
11
00:00:57,682 --> 00:01:00,768
Hold me, touch me.
Hold me, touch me.
12
00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:03,228
Hold me, touch me. Ah!
13
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,356
Hold me, touch me!
14
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,776
Uh!
15
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,117
Darling.
16
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,328
Hold me. Touch me.
17
00:01:19,495 --> 00:01:20,537
Not in the hall.
18
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,790
Ooh!
19
00:01:33,175 --> 00:01:36,678
I know she's in here.
I wonder where she's hiding.
20
00:01:36,804 --> 00:01:38,472
Where are you?
21
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,933
Where are you, devil woman?
22
00:01:46,063 --> 00:01:49,191
Finders keepers...
23
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:54,655
Here I come, ready or not.
24
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,499
There you are, you little flirt.
25
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,876
Argh!
26
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,071
What's the matter?
27
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:39,158
Papa no want to play with baby?
28
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:41,410
I think Papa's neck is broken.
29
00:02:41,535 --> 00:02:44,329
What a sissy!
30
00:02:46,957 --> 00:02:48,708
Miaow!
31
00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,962
Miaow!
32
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:56,467
I wonder where old Tom is tonight?
33
00:02:57,843 --> 00:02:59,219
I...
34
00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:44,389
Oh... oh!
35
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:52,356
Oh, Bialy, Bialy, darling.
Did I hurt you?
36
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:55,942
- It's only a flesh wound, lamb chop.
- Oh, don't...
37
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:58,028
Don't worry, darling.
38
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,162
I'll kiss it and make it well.
39
00:04:07,329 --> 00:04:09,039
Mmh...
40
00:04:09,206 --> 00:04:11,333
Mr Bialystock. Mr Bialystock?
41
00:04:12,209 --> 00:04:14,544
Oh, how do you do?
Oh, my God.
42
00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:16,004
I mean...
43
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:22,719
I mean, excuse me.
44
00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:26,681
You mean "oops", don't you?
Just say "oops" and get out!
45
00:04:26,807 --> 00:04:28,475
Ah-ah-ah-ah...
46
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,894
Not “ah-ah-ah-ah".
"Oops!“
47
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,563
Oops!
48
00:04:35,065 --> 00:04:38,068
I can't abide a peeping Tom.
49
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:42,694
There's one in the apartment
just opposite my bedroom window.
50
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:48,366
I swear, that man never takes
his field glasses off me,
51
00:04:49,079 --> 00:04:50,789
not for a minute.
52
00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:53,917
- Feeling better?
- Yes.
53
00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:56,252
Good.
54
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,509
Let's fool around.
55
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,819
Now...
56
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:24,073
I'll be the innocent little milkmaid,
57
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,783
and you be the naughty stable boy.
58
00:05:29,036 --> 00:05:30,328
Ooh!
59
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,623
This milk is so heavy.
60
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,125
I'll never reach the house.
61
00:05:35,292 --> 00:05:38,878
Help... Help me.
Will someone help me?
62
00:05:39,004 --> 00:05:41,464
- Help me!
- Wait! Wait! We can't play today.
63
00:05:41,590 --> 00:05:44,217
- I have too many appointments.
- We can't play today?
64
00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:46,803
Thursday! Thursday!
We'll play on Thursday.
65
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,890
We'll play "The Contessa
and the Chauffeur".
66
00:06:30,347 --> 00:06:34,847
- Oh, the best one!
- Until Thursday then, Contessa mia.
67
00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:37,103
Contessa mia.
68
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:40,440
Oh, no, Bialy, Bialy,
please, just a little.
69
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:41,984
Just a little.
70
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,487
Money. I need money.
71
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:49,199
All right. All right. All right.
72
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,618
The Contessa and the Chauffeur.
73
00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:57,916
So the Count hired you this morning,
Rudolfo?
74
00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,168
Watch the road. Watch the road.
75
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,046
I can't take my eyes off you.
76
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:05,174
How can I drive
when you drive me mad? Mad!
77
00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:07,634
Rudolfo, you dirty pig.
78
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:09,929
Pull over.
79
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,373
That's enough. Good. Good.
80
00:07:37,539 --> 00:07:40,750
We'll do the rest on Thursday.
Now, that's a good girl. That's a good...
81
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:43,879
I'll get you your purse
and your gloves. Till Thursday...
82
00:07:46,423 --> 00:07:47,757
Thursday.
83
00:07:47,883 --> 00:07:50,343
Until Thursday, then,
you bawdy wench.
84
00:07:50,427 --> 00:07:54,305
- Oh, hold me. Touch me.
- Thursday. Thursday.
85
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:57,809
And then we'll finish playing
the Contessa and Rudolfo?
86
00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:59,895
First thing on Thursday.
87
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:02,063
Oh! And after that,
88
00:08:02,189 --> 00:08:05,609
we'll play "The Abduction
and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia",
89
00:08:05,734 --> 00:08:07,527
and I'll be Lucretia.
90
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,572
And I'll be Rape.
On Thursday. That's wonderful.
91
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:16,199
Lucretia, you forgot the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkies.
92
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:20,123
Of course.
Well, I had it with me all the time.
93
00:08:22,459 --> 00:08:25,795
Is it all right? I made it out to "cash",
you didn't tell me the name of the play.
94
00:08:25,921 --> 00:08:28,173
Fine. Fine. Good. Good.
95
00:08:28,298 --> 00:08:29,590
Thursday. Thursday.
96
00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:31,760
Goodbye, my powder pigeon.
97
00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:33,803
- Goodbye,
- Bye-bye.
98
00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:36,556
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
99
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:37,808
Goodbye.
100
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:41,853
He who signs the lease,
must pay rent.
101
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:43,814
That's the law.
102
00:08:43,939 --> 00:08:47,525
Why, you're a thief! How can you take
the last penny out of a poor man's pocket?
103
00:08:47,651 --> 00:08:49,319
I have to.
104
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,113
I'm a landlord.
105
00:08:51,238 --> 00:08:52,864
Lord, hear my plea.
106
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:56,243
Destroy him.
He maketh a blight on the land.
107
00:08:56,368 --> 00:08:57,994
Don't listen to him.
He's crazy.
108
00:08:58,912 --> 00:09:01,414
That hurt.
I must make another call.
109
00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:24,228
Oops?
110
00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:26,147
Who are you?
What do you want?
111
00:09:26,273 --> 00:09:28,358
Why are you loitering in my hallway?
112
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,319
Speak, dummy! Speak!
113
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,321
- Why don't you speak?
- Scared. Can't talk.
114
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:36,032
All right.
115
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,910
Get a hold of yourself.
116
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:41,246
Take a deep breath.
117
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:42,914
Let it out slowly.
118
00:09:43,957 --> 00:09:46,042
And tell me, who are you?
119
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,795
I'm Leo Bloom.
I am an accountant.
120
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:52,090
I'm from Whitehall and Marx.
I was sent here to do your books,
121
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:55,052
and I'm terribly sorry
I caught you with the old lady.
122
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,888
"Caught you with the old lady“?
123
00:09:58,013 --> 00:10:00,306
Come in, Mr Tact.
124
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:18,742
So, you're an accountant, huh?
125
00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:20,785
- Yes, I am.
- Then account for yourself!
126
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,746
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in gold?
127
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,873
Why are you looking up
old ladies' dresses?
128
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,250
- Bit of a pervert, eh?
- Uh!
129
00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:30,711
Never mind, never mind. Do the books.
They're over there in that desk.
130
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,297
Top drawer.
131
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,175
I'll take your coat.
132
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,552
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
133
00:10:45,477 --> 00:10:47,979
How dare you condemn me
without knowing all the facts!
134
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,314
- Mr Bialystock...
- Shut up!
135
00:10:49,439 --> 00:10:52,400
I'm having a rhetorical conversation!
136
00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,444
How humiliating.
137
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,405
Max Bialystock.
138
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:59,032
Max Bialystock.
139
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:04,538
You know who I used to be?
140
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:08,792
Max Bialystock, King of Broadway!
Six shows running at once!
141
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,212
Lunch at Delmonico's.
142
00:11:12,337 --> 00:11:14,172
$200 suits.
143
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,385
You see this?
144
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:20,845
This once held a pearl
as big as your eye!
145
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:23,556
Look at me now. Look at me now!
146
00:11:25,058 --> 00:11:27,560
I'm wearing a cardboard belt.
147
00:11:35,944 --> 00:11:39,614
I used to have thousands of investors
begging, pleading
148
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:43,577
to put their money
in a Max Bialystock production.
149
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,995
Look at my investors now.
150
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:53,833
Voilà! Hundreds of little old ladies
stopping off at Max Bialystock's office
151
00:11:55,547 --> 00:11:59,384
to grab a last thrill
on the way to the cemetery.
152
00:12:09,394 --> 00:12:13,894
You have exactly ten seconds
to change that look of disgusting pity
153
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,360
into one of enormous respect.
154
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,945
One, two...
155
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:21,656
Do the books, do the books.
156
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,494
I appreciate that, sir.
157
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:40,258
Window's so filthy,
can't tell whether it's day or night out there.
158
00:12:51,895 --> 00:12:56,316
That's it, baby!
When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!
159
00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:01,571
Cough... cough.
160
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,907
Cough!
161
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:12,541
I assume you're making those cartoon noises
to attract my attention.
162
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:18,129
Am I correct in my assumption,
you fish-faced enemy of the people?
163
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:20,173
Oh, I hurt your feelings.
164
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,217
Good! What is it?
165
00:13:22,342 --> 00:13:24,510
May I speak to you for a minute?
166
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:28,390
Go. You have 58 seconds.
167
00:13:28,515 --> 00:13:31,351
Well, in glancing at your books,
I noticed that in the columns marked...
168
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,353
You have 48 seconds left.
Hurry, hurry.
169
00:13:33,478 --> 00:13:37,565
- Oh, I glanced at your books, I noticed...
- 28 seconds. You're running out of time.
170
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:39,609
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock...
171
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,654
Mr Bialystock, I cannot function
under these conditions!
172
00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:45,364
You're making me extremely nervous!
173
00:13:45,907 --> 00:13:49,076
- What is that, a handkerchief?
- What? Nothing. That's nothing.
174
00:13:49,202 --> 00:13:52,455
- If it's nothing, why can't I see it?
- Argh!
175
00:13:52,622 --> 00:13:55,583
My blanket! My blue blanket!
Give me my blue blanket!
176
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:59,254
Oh, you... No! You...
177
00:13:59,379 --> 00:14:01,714
Shh! Here.
178
00:14:01,798 --> 00:14:03,466
Don't panic, don't panic.
179
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:06,678
Mmh... mmh. Ah...
180
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:11,725
I'm sorry.
181
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:14,978
I don't like people
touching my blue blanket.
182
00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:19,398
It's not important. It's a minor compulsion.
I can deal with it if I want to.
183
00:14:19,524 --> 00:14:22,735
It's just that I've had it
ever since I was a baby, and...
184
00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,654
I find it very comforting.
185
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,956
They come here.
They all come here.
186
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:38,168
- How do they find me?
- May I speak to you?
187
00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:40,128
Yes, Prince Mishkin.
188
00:14:40,253 --> 00:14:42,171
What can we do for you?
189
00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:44,465
This is hardly a time for levity.
190
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:48,219
Mr Bialystock, I've discovered a serious
error here in the accounts of your last play.
191
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,471
Where? What?
192
00:14:49,596 --> 00:14:52,348
Well, according to the backers list,
you raised $60,000,
193
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,851
but the play that you produced
only cost $58,000.
194
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:56,852
That's $2,000 unaccounted for.
195
00:14:56,978 --> 00:15:00,272
I went to a Turkish bath.
Who cares? The play was a flop!
196
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,566
What difference does it make?
197
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:04,235
“What difference does it make"?
That's fraud!
198
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,029
If they found out,
you could go to prison.
199
00:15:06,029 --> 00:15:08,072
Who's gonna find out?
It's only $2,000.
200
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,617
Bloom, do me a favour.
Move a few decimal points around.
201
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:13,369
You can do it. You're an accountant.
You're in a noble profession.
202
00:15:13,453 --> 00:15:15,872
The word "count" is part of your title.
203
00:15:16,039 --> 00:15:18,624
- That's cheating.
- It's not cheating!
204
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:19,751
It's charity.
205
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,712
Bloom, look at me.
206
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,381
Look at me, Bloom!
207
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,425
Bloom, I'm drowning.
208
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:32,472
Other men sail through life.
Bialystock has struck a reef.
209
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:36,393
Bloom, I'm going under.
210
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:40,313
I'm being sunk by a society
that demands success,
211
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,190
when all I can offer is failure.
212
00:15:42,315 --> 00:15:45,735
Bloom, I'm reaching out to you.
213
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,822
Don't send me to prison.
214
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:51,783
Help!
215
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:57,330
Help me. Help me, Bloom.
216
00:15:57,497 --> 00:15:59,123
Help me.
217
00:16:00,208 --> 00:16:02,919
Yeah, I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll do it!
218
00:16:03,086 --> 00:16:05,797
- Thank you. I knew I could con you.
- That's all right. What?
219
00:16:05,922 --> 00:16:08,299
Nothing. Nothing. Do it. Do it.
220
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,469
Right. Let's see. $2,000.
221
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,138
$2,000.
222
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:17,350
Well, that isn't much.
I'm sure I can hide it somewhere.
223
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:21,688
After all, the Internal Revenue Service
isn't interested in a show that flopped.
224
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:24,524
Yes, right. Good thinking.
You figure it out.
225
00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:28,486
I'm tired. I'm gonna take a little nap.
Wake me if there's a fire.
226
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,405
Let's see.
227
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:34,492
If we add these, we get ten, four...
228
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,371
Hmm...
229
00:16:38,538 --> 00:16:40,414
Amazing.
230
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,667
It's absolutely amazing.
231
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,293
Under the right circumstances,
232
00:16:44,419 --> 00:16:47,338
a producer could make more money
with a flop than he could with a hit.
233
00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:49,299
Hmm...
234
00:16:51,134 --> 00:16:52,593
Yes, it's quite possible.
235
00:16:52,719 --> 00:16:55,847
If he were certain that the show would fail,
a man could make a fortune!
236
00:16:55,972 --> 00:16:58,224
- Yes?
- Yes what?
237
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,894
- What you were saying, keep talking.
- What was I saying?
238
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:03,229
You were saying that
under the right circumstances,
239
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:06,858
a producer could make more money
with a flop than he could with a hit.
240
00:17:06,983 --> 00:17:08,734
Yes, it's quite possible.
241
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,612
You keep saying that,
but you don't tell me how.
242
00:17:11,738 --> 00:17:14,991
How can a producer make more money
with a flop than he could with a hit?
243
00:17:15,116 --> 00:17:18,244
Well, it's simply a matter
of creative accounting.
244
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,706
Let's assume, just for the moment,
that you are a dishonest man.
245
00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:23,457
- Assume away.
- It's very easy.
246
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,461
- You raise more money than you need.
- What do you mean?
247
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:29,339
Well, you did it yourself,
only you did it on a very small scale.
248
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:30,548
What'd I do?
249
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:33,968
You raised $2,000 more than you needed
to produce your last play.
250
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:36,596
So? What did it get me?
I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
251
00:17:36,721 --> 00:17:39,140
That's where you made your mistake.
You didn't go all the way.
252
00:17:39,182 --> 00:17:43,144
You see, if you were really a bold criminal,
you could have raised $1 million.
253
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,605
But the play cost me only
$60,000 to produce.
254
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:46,731
And how long did it run?
255
00:17:46,856 --> 00:17:48,357
- One night.
- You see?
256
00:17:48,483 --> 00:17:50,067
Do you see what I'm trying to tell you?
257
00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:53,613
You could have raised $1 million,
put on a $60,000 flop and kept the rest.
258
00:17:53,738 --> 00:17:56,282
- But what if the play was a hit?
- Well, then you'd go to jail.
259
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,910
See, once the play's a hit,
you have to pay off all the backers,
260
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:02,330
and with so many backers, there could
never be enough profits to go around. Get it?
261
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,999
Uh-huh, uh-huh...
262
00:18:05,166 --> 00:18:07,376
Ah-ha! So in order
for this scheme to work,
263
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,129
we'd have to find a sure-fire flop.
264
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,507
- What scheme?
- "What scheme"?
265
00:18:12,632 --> 00:18:14,967
Your scheme, you bloody little genius!
266
00:18:15,051 --> 00:18:16,635
I meant no scheme.
267
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:19,972
I merely posed a little academic
accounting theory. It was just a thought.
268
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:24,603
Bloom, worlds are turned
on such thoughts.
269
00:18:25,895 --> 00:18:29,523
Don't you see, Bloom?
Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom.
270
00:18:29,649 --> 00:18:30,941
It's so simple.
271
00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:34,153
Step one, we find the worst play in the world.
A sure-fire flop.
272
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,448
Step two, I raise $1 million.
There's a lot of old ladies in the world.
273
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,409
Step three, you go back
to work on the books,
274
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:41,953
phony list of backers,
one for the government, one for us.
275
00:18:42,078 --> 00:18:43,954
You can do it, Bloom.
You're a wizard.
276
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,581
Step four, we open on Broadway.
277
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:48,668
And before you can say “step five",
we close on Broadway.
278
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:52,463
Step six, we take our $1 million,
we fly to Rio de Janeiro!
279
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,756
♪ Rio
280
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:56,509
- ♪ Rio by the sea-.
- Mr Bialystock, wait a minute.
281
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,429
- ♪ Oh, me-, oh, my-.
- You're holding me too tight.
282
00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:01,764
♪ Rio by the sea- ♪
283
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,392
I'm an honest man.
You don't understand.
284
00:19:04,517 --> 00:19:06,101
No, Bloom, you don't understand!
285
00:19:06,227 --> 00:19:08,938
This is fate! This is destiny!
This is kismet!
286
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:10,523
There's no avoiding it.
287
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:13,568
Mr Bialystock, not more than
five minutes ago, I doctored your books!
288
00:19:13,693 --> 00:19:16,737
That, sir, is the ultimate extent
of my criminal life!
289
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,699
Oh...
290
00:19:19,824 --> 00:19:21,659
I want that money!
291
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:24,579
I fell on my keys.
292
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:29,208
You miserable, cowardly,
wretched, little caterpillar.
293
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,461
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
294
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:35,632
Don't you want to spread your wings
and flap your way to glory?
295
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,508
- You're gonna jump on me.
- Huh?
296
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,428
You're gonna jump on me!
I know you're gonna jump on me!
297
00:19:40,553 --> 00:19:42,304
Like Nero jumped on Poppaea.
298
00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:44,140
- Who?
- Poppaea!
299
00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,350
She was his wife,
and she was unfaithful to him,
300
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,937
so he got mad and jumped on her
up and down, up and down,
301
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,481
until he squashed her like a bug!
302
00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:54,942
- Please don't jump on me!
- I'm not gonna jump on you!
303
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,820
I'm not gonna jump on you!
304
00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:01,282
- Will you get a hold of yourself?
- Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
305
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:04,035
Oh, my God, no, no...
Oh, no, no, no...
306
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,245
I'm not gonna hurt you.
What's the matter with you?
307
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:10,250
I'm hysterical!
I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical.
308
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,836
I can't stop when I get like this.
I can't stop. I'm hysterical.
309
00:20:17,757 --> 00:20:21,177
I'm wet! I'm wet!
310
00:20:21,302 --> 00:20:23,470
I'm hysterical, and I'm wet!
311
00:20:24,347 --> 00:20:26,390
I'm in pain !
312
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,601
And I'm wet!
313
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,395
And I'm still hysterical!
314
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,148
No, no, don't hit, don't hit. It doesn't help.
It only increases my sense of danger.
315
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:37,277
What can I do? What can I do?
You're getting me hysterical.
316
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:39,987
- Go away, go away. You frighten me.
- Where shall I go?
317
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,490
- Sit over there.
- OK.
318
00:20:43,616 --> 00:20:44,992
OK.
319
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,578
OK. I'm over here.
320
00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:49,997
- This better?
- That's better.
321
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:53,209
But you still look angry.
322
00:20:54,085 --> 00:20:55,544
How's this?
323
00:20:56,629 --> 00:20:59,048
Good.
That's good.
324
00:21:00,216 --> 00:21:01,967
That's very nice.
325
00:21:03,386 --> 00:21:06,138
I think I'm coming out of it now.
326
00:21:06,222 --> 00:21:08,307
Ah... Yes.
327
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,309
I'm definitely coming out of it.
328
00:21:11,227 --> 00:21:12,686
Ah...
329
00:21:12,812 --> 00:21:15,439
Thank you for smiling.
That helped a great deal.
330
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,149
You know what they say:
331
00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:21,570
"Smile and the world smiles with you."
332
00:21:21,696 --> 00:21:24,198
This man should be in a straitjacket.
333
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:25,325
Feeling better?
334
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:29,245
Oh, much, thank you,
but I am a little lightheaded.
335
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:31,538
Maybe I should eat something.
336
00:21:31,706 --> 00:21:35,334
Hysterical attacks have a way of severely
depleting one's blood sugar, you know?
337
00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:38,087
They certainly do. They certainly do.
338
00:21:38,254 --> 00:21:40,464
Come.
Let me take you to lunch.
339
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:52,352
You know, it's very nice of you
to take me to lunch, Mr Bialystock.
340
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:55,605
Call me Max. You know,
I don't let everybody call me Max.
341
00:21:55,730 --> 00:21:59,316
- It's only those people I like.
- OK, Max.
342
00:21:59,442 --> 00:22:02,319
- And you can call me Leo.
- I already have.
343
00:22:02,445 --> 00:22:03,487
Oh.
344
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,866
Well, where shall we go for lunch?
345
00:22:06,991 --> 00:22:11,491
Well, Max, I don't know, Max.
What do you think, Max?
346
00:22:11,996 --> 00:22:14,415
Well, Leo,
it's such a beautiful day,
347
00:22:14,582 --> 00:22:17,042
why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant?
348
00:22:17,168 --> 00:22:18,878
Let's dine al fresco.
349
00:22:19,045 --> 00:22:21,797
- This is al fresco?
- The finest.
350
00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:23,841
Thank you.
351
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:27,595
Mmh, excellent.
Please tender our compliments to the chef.
352
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,306
- Please tender half a buck.
- Of course. Here you are, my good man.
353
00:22:31,474 --> 00:22:34,560
I'm not your good man.
I happen to own this establishment.
354
00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:36,312
Give me the change.
355
00:22:38,189 --> 00:22:40,107
Everybody's a big shot.
356
00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:44,695
Well, Leo, what say
we promenade through the park?
357
00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:48,074
I'd love to, but it's nearly two o'clock.
I should get back to Whitehall and Marx.
358
00:22:48,199 --> 00:22:50,826
Nonsense!
As far as Whitehall and Marx is concerned,
359
00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:53,746
- you're working with Max Bialystock, right?
- Right.
360
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:56,207
Then stick with Bialystock.
361
00:23:15,059 --> 00:23:17,269
Lovely out here, isn't it?
362
00:23:17,395 --> 00:23:20,856
I wish I could enjoy it.
I'm so nervous.
363
00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:22,942
What if someone from the office
should see me?
364
00:23:23,067 --> 00:23:26,236
Then you'd see them,
and why aren't they at the office?
365
00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:30,575
That's right.
366
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,910
That's it, Leo. You're learning.
367
00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:35,955
Having a good time?
368
00:23:36,122 --> 00:23:39,083
I don't know.
I feel so strange.
369
00:23:39,208 --> 00:23:41,293
Maybe you're happy.
370
00:23:41,377 --> 00:23:43,212
That's it. I'm happy.
371
00:23:45,298 --> 00:23:49,135
What do you know about that?
372
00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:50,594
I'm happy!
373
00:23:51,763 --> 00:23:53,222
I'm happy!
374
00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:58,353
There it is, Bloom.
375
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:01,272
The most exciting city in the world.
376
00:24:01,397 --> 00:24:04,817
Thrills, adventure, romance.
377
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:08,780
Everything you ever dreamed of
is down there.
378
00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:10,823
Big black limousines.
379
00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:12,742
Gold cigarette cases.
380
00:24:12,867 --> 00:24:16,120
Elegant ladies with long legs.
381
00:24:16,245 --> 00:24:19,206
All you need is money, Bloom.
382
00:24:19,374 --> 00:24:23,086
Money is honey. Money is honey.
383
00:24:23,711 --> 00:24:27,381
- Leo, he who hesitates is poor.
- Mmh...
384
00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:31,802
Don't let me influence you.
It's your decision.
385
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:33,971
But if we get caught,
we'll go to prison.
386
00:24:34,097 --> 00:24:36,432
You think you're not in prison now?
387
00:24:36,557 --> 00:24:38,976
Living in a grey, little room?
388
00:24:39,102 --> 00:24:43,602
Going to a grey, little job?
Leading a grey, little life?
389
00:24:44,315 --> 00:24:45,816
That's right.
390
00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:48,110
I'm a nothing.
391
00:24:48,236 --> 00:24:51,822
I spend my life counting
other people's money.
392
00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:54,075
People I'm smarter than.
393
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,784
Better than.
394
00:24:56,869 --> 00:24:58,620
Where's my share?
395
00:24:59,580 --> 00:25:01,456
Where's Leo Bloom's share?
396
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:04,209
I want...
397
00:25:04,794 --> 00:25:06,629
I want...
398
00:25:06,754 --> 00:25:09,423
I want everything I've ever seen
in the movies!
399
00:25:09,549 --> 00:25:12,009
Leo, say you'll join me!
400
00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:13,678
I'll do it!
401
00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:17,890
- By God, I'll do it!
- He'll do it!
402
00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,308
He'll do it!
403
00:25:22,603 --> 00:25:24,104
I'm Leo Bloom!
404
00:25:25,314 --> 00:25:27,024
I'm me!
405
00:25:27,150 --> 00:25:29,402
I can do whatever I want!
406
00:25:29,527 --> 00:25:31,195
It doesn't matter!
407
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:32,779
I'm Leo Bloom!
408
00:25:57,180 --> 00:25:58,890
Max, let's call it a night.
409
00:25:59,015 --> 00:26:01,767
It's two in the morning.
I don't know what I'm reading anymore.
410
00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:05,021
Read, read. We've got to find
the worst play ever written.
411
00:26:08,858 --> 00:26:10,234
Ah!
412
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,028
"Gregor Samsa woke one morning"
413
00:26:13,154 --> 00:26:17,654
"to discover that he had been transformed
into a giant cockroach."
414
00:26:19,619 --> 00:26:21,245
It's too good.
415
00:26:25,416 --> 00:26:26,875
Wait a minute.
416
00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:29,128
Wait a minute.
417
00:26:30,171 --> 00:26:31,839
I've read this play.
418
00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:35,468
I'm reading plays I read this morning.
419
00:26:36,552 --> 00:26:38,303
I can't go on.
420
00:26:38,429 --> 00:26:40,222
It's too much.
421
00:26:40,765 --> 00:26:44,268
Max, let's face it, we'll never find it.
422
00:26:48,314 --> 00:26:49,982
"We'll never find it", huh?
423
00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:51,567
"We'll never find it", huh?
424
00:26:51,734 --> 00:26:53,277
"We'll never find it", huh?
425
00:26:53,402 --> 00:26:56,154
"We'll never find it", huh?
"We'll never find..."
426
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,781
♪ Oh, Rio
427
00:26:57,907 --> 00:26:59,575
♪ Rio by the sea-
428
00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:01,076
♪ Bialystock and Leo
429
00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:03,454
♪ Oh, me-, oh, my- ♪
430
00:27:03,579 --> 00:27:04,705
Leo...
431
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:07,166
Smell it.
432
00:27:07,333 --> 00:27:09,168
See it?
Touch it, touch it.
433
00:27:09,335 --> 00:27:12,046
- What is it?
- "What is it"? We've struck gold.
434
00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:14,256
Not fool's gold, but real gold.
435
00:27:14,382 --> 00:27:16,509
The mother lode, the mother lode.
436
00:27:17,343 --> 00:27:19,219
The mother of them all.
437
00:27:19,345 --> 00:27:21,096
Kiss it, kiss it.
438
00:27:21,222 --> 00:27:25,059
- You found a flop.
- "A flop"! That's putting it mildly.
439
00:27:25,184 --> 00:27:27,477
We've found a disaster,
a catastrophe, an outrage!
440
00:27:27,603 --> 00:27:31,064
- A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty.
- Let's see it.
441
00:27:31,190 --> 00:27:34,318
This is freedom from want forever.
This is a house in the country.
442
00:27:34,443 --> 00:27:36,319
This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley.
443
00:27:36,445 --> 00:27:39,364
This is wine, women,
and song... and women.
444
00:27:40,241 --> 00:27:42,451
"Springtime for Hitler."
445
00:27:42,577 --> 00:27:46,497
"A gay romp with Adolf and Eva
at Berchtesgaden.“
446
00:27:47,415 --> 00:27:49,291
- Wow!
- Wow!
447
00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:51,668
It's practically a love letter to Hitler.
448
00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:54,922
- This won't run a week.
- A week? Are you kidding?
449
00:27:55,047 --> 00:27:58,341
This play has got to close on page four.
450
00:27:58,467 --> 00:28:01,887
- Who wrote it?
- Who? Read, read. Right there. Read, read.
451
00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:03,139
- “Franz..."
- Franz.
452
00:28:03,264 --> 00:28:04,515
- "...Liebkind."
- Liebkind.
453
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:05,724
- "100..."
— 100.
454
00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:06,851
- "...West..."
- West.
455
00:28:06,976 --> 00:28:08,185
- "...Jane Street."
- Jane Street.
456
00:28:08,227 --> 00:28:09,353
Franz Liebkind.
457
00:28:09,478 --> 00:28:11,855
100 West Jane Street.
458
00:28:20,698 --> 00:28:23,617
- Who do you want?
- I beg your pardon?
459
00:28:23,743 --> 00:28:24,785
Who do you want?
460
00:28:24,911 --> 00:28:27,705
No one gets in the building
unless I know who they want.
461
00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:29,415
I'm the concierge.
462
00:28:29,582 --> 00:28:33,294
My husband used to be the concierge,
but he's dead.
463
00:28:33,419 --> 00:28:35,337
Now I'm the concierge.
464
00:28:36,797 --> 00:28:38,673
We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
465
00:28:39,467 --> 00:28:41,135
Oh, the kraut!
466
00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:43,595
He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
467
00:28:44,305 --> 00:28:45,889
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
468
00:28:46,015 --> 00:28:47,683
But you won't find him there.
469
00:28:47,808 --> 00:28:51,061
He's up on the roof with his birds.
470
00:28:51,187 --> 00:28:53,439
He keeps birds.
471
00:28:53,564 --> 00:28:58,064
Dirty, disgusting, filthy,
lice-ridden birds.
472
00:28:59,946 --> 00:29:03,574
You used to be able to sit out
on the stoop like a person.
473
00:29:03,699 --> 00:29:06,034
Not anymore. No, sir.
474
00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:09,914
Birds!
You get my drift?
475
00:29:10,539 --> 00:29:14,251
We get it. We get your drift.
Thank you, madam.
476
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:18,380
I'm not a madam!
I'm a concierge!
477
00:29:28,391 --> 00:29:31,143
- He's wearing a German helmet.
- Shh!
478
00:29:31,269 --> 00:29:34,814
Don't say anything to offend him.
We need that play.
479
00:29:45,741 --> 00:29:48,952
- Franz Liebkind?
- I was never a member of the Nazi party!
480
00:29:49,078 --> 00:29:52,081
I'm not responsible!
I only followed orders!
481
00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,959
Who are you?
Why do you persecute me?
482
00:29:55,126 --> 00:29:58,712
My papers are in order.
I love my adopted country.
483
00:29:58,879 --> 00:30:03,300
♪ Beautiful for spacious skies
484
00:30:03,426 --> 00:30:06,262
♪ For amber waves of... ♪
485
00:30:06,387 --> 00:30:07,846
What do you want?
486
00:30:07,972 --> 00:30:09,723
Relax! Relax, Mr Liebkind.
487
00:30:09,849 --> 00:30:12,643
We're not from the government.
We came here to talk about your play.
488
00:30:12,768 --> 00:30:14,436
My play?
489
00:30:14,562 --> 00:30:17,439
You mean, "Springtime for...
You-know—who"?
490
00:30:17,565 --> 00:30:18,774
- Yes.
- What about it?
491
00:30:20,401 --> 00:30:23,362
We love it. We think it's a masterpiece.
That's why we're here.
492
00:30:23,487 --> 00:30:25,113
We wish to produce it on Broadway.
493
00:30:26,699 --> 00:30:28,492
Broadway.
494
00:30:28,617 --> 00:30:31,161
Oh... Oh, joy of joys!
495
00:30:31,912 --> 00:30:33,997
Oh, dream of dreams.
496
00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:37,251
I can't believe it.
I must tell the birds.
497
00:30:37,418 --> 00:30:40,254
Birds! Birds!
Birds, do you hear?
498
00:30:40,379 --> 00:30:43,799
Otto! Berthe!
Heinz! Hans! Wolfgang!
499
00:30:43,966 --> 00:30:48,011
Do you hear?
We are going to clear the Führer's name.
500
00:30:49,472 --> 00:30:53,972
♪ Deutschland, Deutschland über alles
501
00:30:54,769 --> 00:30:57,813
♪ Über alles... ♪
502
00:30:58,356 --> 00:31:01,776
Mr Liebkind, Mr Liebkind, please.
People can hear.
503
00:31:02,943 --> 00:31:06,529
♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy
504
00:31:06,655 --> 00:31:08,198
♪ A Yankee Doodle... ♪
505
00:31:08,324 --> 00:31:11,493
This is not a place to talk.
Come, we'll go to my flat.
506
00:31:11,619 --> 00:31:15,623
An occasion like this
calls for schnapps!
507
00:31:31,972 --> 00:31:34,557
You know, not many people knew it...
508
00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:38,771
but the Führer was a terrific dancer.
509
00:31:41,315 --> 00:31:43,984
Really? I never dreamed that...
510
00:31:44,110 --> 00:31:47,238
That is because that you were taken in
511
00:31:47,363 --> 00:31:49,823
by that Verdammte Allied propaganda!
512
00:31:49,949 --> 00:31:51,992
Such filthy lies! They told lies!
513
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,746
But nobody ever said a bad word
about Winston Churchill, did they?
514
00:31:56,872 --> 00:31:59,624
No! "Win with Winnie!"
515
00:32:02,044 --> 00:32:04,212
Churchill!
516
00:32:04,338 --> 00:32:06,798
With his cigars. With his brandy.
517
00:32:06,882 --> 00:32:09,050
And his rotten painting, rotten!
518
00:32:09,176 --> 00:32:11,219
Hitler, there was a painter.
519
00:32:11,345 --> 00:32:15,223
He could paint an entire apartment
in one afternoon! Two coats!
520
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:21,105
Churchill.
He couldn't even say "Nazi".
521
00:32:21,230 --> 00:32:24,775
He would say, "Noses. Noses."
522
00:32:24,900 --> 00:32:27,694
It wasn't “Noses"! It was "Nazis"!
523
00:32:31,782 --> 00:32:33,533
Churchill!
524
00:32:33,659 --> 00:32:38,038
- Exactly why...
- Let me tell you this!
525
00:32:38,205 --> 00:32:40,707
And you're hearing this
straight from the horse!
526
00:32:40,875 --> 00:32:43,460
Hitler was better-looking than Churchill.
527
00:32:43,586 --> 00:32:45,921
He was a better dresser than Churchill.
528
00:32:46,046 --> 00:32:47,505
He had more hair!
529
00:32:47,631 --> 00:32:51,885
He told funnier jokes, and he could dance
the pants off of Churchill!
530
00:32:52,011 --> 00:32:54,680
- Exactly why...
- Churchill!
531
00:32:54,805 --> 00:32:57,641
Yes... yes. Churchill!
532
00:32:57,766 --> 00:33:01,060
That's exactly why
we want to produce this play -
533
00:33:01,187 --> 00:33:04,899
to show the world the true Hitler,
the Hitler you loved,
534
00:33:05,024 --> 00:33:06,650
the Hitler you knew,
535
00:33:06,775 --> 00:33:09,944
the Hitler with a song in his heart.
536
00:33:30,466 --> 00:33:32,759
Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here,
537
00:33:32,885 --> 00:33:36,054
and make your dream a reality.
538
00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:40,680
Here it is! "Springtime for Hitler",
signed, sealed, and delivered.
539
00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:43,353
- What's the matter?
- I'm not wearing this armband.
540
00:33:43,479 --> 00:33:45,647
I don't care how big the deal is.
I won't wear it.
541
00:33:45,773 --> 00:33:48,442
OK. Take it off, take it off.
542
00:33:56,116 --> 00:33:57,200
Taxi!
543
00:33:58,911 --> 00:34:00,704
The Blue Gypsy.
544
00:34:00,829 --> 00:34:03,206
Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy?
545
00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:05,584
We are not going to the Blue Gypsy.
546
00:34:05,751 --> 00:34:07,627
I am going to the Blue Gypsy.
547
00:34:07,795 --> 00:34:10,464
I have a rendezvous
with a lady of some means.
548
00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:18,639
You see, my dear Bloom,
phase one is complete.
549
00:34:18,764 --> 00:34:19,931
The play is ours.
550
00:34:20,015 --> 00:34:23,685
We are now entering phase two -
the raising of the money.
551
00:34:23,811 --> 00:34:26,522
In the days to come,
you will see very little of me,
552
00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:30,942
for Max Bialystock is launching himself
into little-old-lady land.
553
00:34:31,068 --> 00:34:33,028
A dieu. A Vanti!
554
00:34:44,582 --> 00:34:47,167
You're incorrigible, Bialy.
555
00:34:47,334 --> 00:34:49,919
Here's to the success of your new play.
556
00:34:50,045 --> 00:34:52,380
- Our new play, my love.
- Oh...
557
00:34:53,757 --> 00:34:56,843
Oh, Bialy, I'm so sorry.
558
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:59,972
- Did I wet you?
- Think nothing of it, my dear.
559
00:35:00,055 --> 00:35:02,974
A mere trifle, a mere trifle.
560
00:35:03,100 --> 00:35:05,060
Did you bring the checkie?
561
00:35:05,185 --> 00:35:08,354
Oh, yes,
I have it right here in my purse.
562
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:12,567
And I made it out just like you told me.
To "cash".
563
00:35:12,693 --> 00:35:15,320
That's a funny name for a play.
564
00:35:15,446 --> 00:35:17,656
Think nothing of it, my dear.
565
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,949
- Thank you, my dear.
- Say it again, Bialy.
566
00:36:01,075 --> 00:36:04,620
And I swear to you on my life,
you don't look a day over 65.
567
00:36:04,745 --> 00:36:08,248
There you are.
568
00:36:09,875 --> 00:36:12,502
- I love you.
- What?
569
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:14,963
I love you.
570
00:36:15,130 --> 00:36:16,840
What?
571
00:36:16,965 --> 00:36:19,008
- I love you!
- Oh!
572
00:36:26,767 --> 00:36:29,644
Go, Bialy-baby, go!
573
00:36:38,821 --> 00:36:40,614
'Who is it?'
574
00:36:40,739 --> 00:36:42,615
It's Max Bialystock.
575
00:36:42,741 --> 00:36:46,828
'Oh, good.
I thought it was a burglar.
576
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:49,081
'Wait. I'll let you in.'
577
00:37:29,037 --> 00:37:30,872
Mrs Sarah Cathcart.
578
00:37:31,039 --> 00:37:33,166
She owns 50 per cent of the profits.
579
00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:36,837
Mrs Virginia Resnick.
580
00:37:36,962 --> 00:37:39,506
She also owns 50 per cent of the profits.
581
00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:43,719
Mrs Eleanor Biddlecomb.
582
00:37:43,844 --> 00:37:46,179
She also owns 50 per cent of the profits.
583
00:37:47,222 --> 00:37:49,557
Mrs Alma Wentworth.
584
00:37:49,683 --> 00:37:52,227
She owns 100 per cent of the profits.
585
00:37:52,352 --> 00:37:55,521
Leo, how much percentage of a play
can there be altogether?
586
00:37:55,647 --> 00:37:58,733
Max, you can only sell
100 per cent of anything.
587
00:37:58,859 --> 00:38:02,654
And how much of
"Springtime for Hitler“ have we sold?
588
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:04,740
25,000 per cent.
589
00:38:04,865 --> 00:38:08,285
25,000 per cent!
590
00:38:09,244 --> 00:38:11,079
Give me that blue thing.
591
00:38:15,918 --> 00:38:18,587
Max, where are you going?
We haven't finished signing the contracts.
592
00:38:18,670 --> 00:38:20,630
I have to see that money.
593
00:38:30,390 --> 00:38:32,100
Hello, boys.
594
00:38:32,893 --> 00:38:35,604
If you only knew
what I went through for you.
595
00:38:39,233 --> 00:38:42,027
- Max, what are you doing?
- I'm gonna buy myself a toy.
596
00:38:42,152 --> 00:38:45,029
I worked very, very hard,
and I think I deserve a toy.
597
00:38:45,155 --> 00:38:46,406
A toy?
598
00:38:46,532 --> 00:38:47,658
A toy!
599
00:38:50,536 --> 00:38:52,162
That's a toy?
600
00:38:52,287 --> 00:38:54,580
She happens to be
our new receptionist.
601
00:38:54,748 --> 00:38:57,459
She goes with our new surroundings.
602
00:38:57,626 --> 00:38:59,377
Ulla?
603
00:39:02,756 --> 00:39:04,174
Ulla...
604
00:39:04,299 --> 00:39:07,885
Ulla, I want you to meet my associate
and partner, Mr Leo Bloom.
605
00:39:08,011 --> 00:39:09,512
God dag pa deg.
606
00:39:09,638 --> 00:39:12,474
- I beg your pardon?
- God dag pa deg.
607
00:39:12,599 --> 00:39:15,476
Oh, god dagen...
608
00:39:15,602 --> 00:39:18,980
Max, have you gone mad?
A receptionist that can't speak English?
609
00:39:19,106 --> 00:39:20,565
What will people say?
610
00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:24,277
They'll say, “Ah-woo—ah
what? -what? -what? -what? -what? -what? —what?"
611
00:39:24,403 --> 00:39:26,905
- What is she going to do here?
- Shh!
612
00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:28,614
I'll show you.
613
00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:32,243
Ulla, go to work.
614
00:39:32,369 --> 00:39:34,037
"Go to work."
615
00:40:00,355 --> 00:40:01,731
Ulla, OK.
616
00:40:02,399 --> 00:40:03,775
OK, Ulla.
617
00:40:03,901 --> 00:40:08,401
Cream puff,
sweetie pie, pussycat, OK.
618
00:40:08,655 --> 00:40:09,947
Ulla!
619
00:40:10,824 --> 00:40:12,492
Stop work!
620
00:40:18,832 --> 00:40:21,918
Would you believe it?
I met her at the public library.
621
00:40:24,296 --> 00:40:25,505
Ulla.
622
00:40:27,841 --> 00:40:29,926
Go to desk.
Answer telephone.
623
00:40:30,052 --> 00:40:33,555
"Bialystock and Bloom.
Bialystock and Bloom."
624
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,974
Bialystock and Bloom.
Bialystock and Bloom.
625
00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:38,392
God dag pa deg.
626
00:40:38,518 --> 00:40:41,187
Bialystock and Bloom.
God dag pa deg.
627
00:40:41,313 --> 00:40:42,897
Bialystock and Bloom.
628
00:40:43,023 --> 00:40:44,691
God dag pa deg.
629
00:40:44,816 --> 00:40:46,526
Nice girl.
630
00:40:47,319 --> 00:40:48,987
Hey, Bloom.
631
00:40:49,112 --> 00:40:50,696
Take a cigar.
632
00:40:50,822 --> 00:40:52,990
Max, maybe we should both...
633
00:40:53,116 --> 00:40:56,285
- What's that?
- Nothing, nothing. Go on, go on.
634
00:41:05,587 --> 00:41:07,547
Smart as a whip.
635
00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:19,851
No, no, no, no...
636
00:41:20,519 --> 00:41:22,562
No, no, no, no!
637
00:41:25,607 --> 00:41:27,609
You Swedish tease.
638
00:41:28,652 --> 00:41:30,528
Min Bialystock.
639
00:41:30,654 --> 00:41:32,447
You'll bury me.
640
00:41:40,580 --> 00:41:42,540
Leo, what were you saying?
641
00:41:42,708 --> 00:41:44,960
What? Oh, Max...
642
00:41:45,127 --> 00:41:47,546
Maybe we should go
a little easier on the spending.
643
00:41:47,671 --> 00:41:51,633
- I mean, these offices and all.
- Why? Take it when you can get it.
644
00:41:51,758 --> 00:41:53,468
Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it!
645
00:41:53,635 --> 00:41:55,637
But if something should,
God forbid, go wrong,
646
00:41:55,762 --> 00:41:57,555
at least we could give back
some of the money.
647
00:41:57,639 --> 00:41:59,223
I mean,
it would look better in court.
648
00:41:59,349 --> 00:42:02,310
Stop talking like that,
you white mouse.
649
00:42:02,436 --> 00:42:03,854
Nothing is gonna go wrong.
650
00:42:03,979 --> 00:42:06,898
As a matter of fact, today,
I have taken steps to make sure
651
00:42:07,024 --> 00:42:10,193
that "Springtime for Hitler"
will be a total disaster.
652
00:42:10,318 --> 00:42:14,405
At two o'clock, we have an appointment
with none other than Roger de Bris.
653
00:42:14,531 --> 00:42:16,157
Roger de Bris?
654
00:42:16,283 --> 00:42:18,952
What? Oh, the director.
Is he good?
655
00:42:19,077 --> 00:42:21,579
- I mean, is he bad?
- He stinks.
656
00:42:21,705 --> 00:42:24,332
He's perhaps the worst director
that ever lived.
657
00:42:24,499 --> 00:42:28,586
He's the only director whose plays
close on the first day of rehearsal.
658
00:42:28,712 --> 00:42:33,049
- Do you think he'll take the job?
- Only if we ask him.
659
00:42:33,175 --> 00:42:36,178
It's late. I'll get the car.
660
00:42:38,805 --> 00:42:40,431
Ja?
661
00:42:40,515 --> 00:42:42,934
Call chauffeur. Get car.
662
00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:45,395
Good, good. We go to motel?
663
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:47,522
No, no, no. We go.
664
00:42:47,647 --> 00:42:51,359
You and Mr Bloom go to motel?
665
00:42:51,485 --> 00:42:53,612
No. No motel.
666
00:42:53,737 --> 00:42:55,447
Get car. Get car.
667
00:42:55,572 --> 00:42:59,325
Get car, get car.
668
00:42:59,451 --> 00:43:01,035
Get car.
669
00:43:14,424 --> 00:43:16,426
Thank you, Rudolfo.
670
00:43:21,973 --> 00:43:24,433
Now, don't let anything
he says or does upset you.
671
00:43:24,559 --> 00:43:26,143
He's a little peculiar.
672
00:43:26,269 --> 00:43:29,230
- What do you mean?
- Yes?
673
00:43:31,525 --> 00:43:35,153
I am Max Bialystock.
This is my associate, Mr Bloom.
674
00:43:35,278 --> 00:43:37,530
We have an appointment
with Mr de Bris.
675
00:43:37,656 --> 00:43:40,992
Oh, yes, you are expected.
Please do come in.
676
00:43:51,586 --> 00:43:52,670
How do you do?
677
00:43:52,838 --> 00:43:55,924
I'm Carmen Giya,
Monsieur de Bris' private secretary.
678
00:43:56,049 --> 00:43:57,675
Would you please remove your shoes?
679
00:44:01,346 --> 00:44:04,057
White, white, white
is the color of our carpet.
680
00:44:07,519 --> 00:44:09,604
Will you please follow me?
681
00:44:39,467 --> 00:44:41,010
Oh.
682
00:45:03,158 --> 00:45:04,534
Please.
683
00:45:13,835 --> 00:45:15,461
We're not alone!
684
00:45:16,922 --> 00:45:18,381
Please sit down.
685
00:45:19,341 --> 00:45:21,259
Roger?
686
00:45:21,384 --> 00:45:25,179
Ah! Messrs Bialystock and Bloom,
I presume?
687
00:45:25,305 --> 00:45:26,848
Forgive the pun.
688
00:45:28,767 --> 00:45:31,436
- What pun?
- Shut up. He thinks he's witty.
689
00:45:32,479 --> 00:45:34,063
Good to see you again, Roger.
690
00:45:34,189 --> 00:45:36,941
Did you get a chance to read
"Springtime for Hitler"?
691
00:45:37,067 --> 00:45:38,068
Remarkable.
692
00:45:38,610 --> 00:45:40,153
Remarkable!
693
00:45:41,988 --> 00:45:44,323
A stunning piece of work.
694
00:45:45,116 --> 00:45:47,576
Max, he's wearing a dress.
695
00:45:48,411 --> 00:45:49,662
No kidding.
696
00:45:49,788 --> 00:45:54,167
I, for one, think
it is a very important play.
697
00:45:56,211 --> 00:46:00,711
Do you know, I never realised
that the Third Reich meant Germany!
698
00:46:01,967 --> 00:46:06,096
I mean, it's drenched
with historical goodies like that.
699
00:46:07,597 --> 00:46:10,558
Oh, dear...
You're staring at my dress.
700
00:46:11,393 --> 00:46:13,144
I should explain.
701
00:46:13,270 --> 00:46:15,730
I'm going to the
choreographer's ball tonight.
702
00:46:15,855 --> 00:46:19,650
- There is a prize for the best costume.
- And we always win.
703
00:46:19,776 --> 00:46:21,736
I'm not so sure about tonight.
704
00:46:21,861 --> 00:46:25,030
I'm supposed to be
the Grand Duchess Anastasia,
705
00:46:25,156 --> 00:46:27,992
but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie.
What do you think?
706
00:46:28,118 --> 00:46:29,786
- Well...
- Now, be cruel.
707
00:46:29,911 --> 00:46:33,873
Be brutal. Be brutal!
Because, heaven knows, they will.
708
00:46:35,417 --> 00:46:37,877
Well? What do you think,
Mr Bloom?
709
00:46:42,340 --> 00:46:44,300
Where do you keep your wallet?
710
00:46:44,426 --> 00:46:48,096
It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous.
You couldn't have picked a better color.
711
00:46:48,221 --> 00:46:52,721
It brings out your eyes.
Let's face it, Roger, that dress is you.
712
00:46:53,476 --> 00:46:57,688
- Do you really think it brings out my eyes?
- We can't tell a thing without your wig.
713
00:46:57,814 --> 00:47:00,775
As far as I'm concerned,
you're only half-dressed.
714
00:47:00,942 --> 00:47:02,985
Well, if you're so worried
about the wig, get it,
715
00:47:03,111 --> 00:47:05,822
Wicked Witch of the West.
716
00:47:05,947 --> 00:47:09,533
Quick, light his cigarette.
717
00:47:09,659 --> 00:47:12,411
- He likes you.
- I don't want to...
718
00:47:28,511 --> 00:47:31,138
Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?
719
00:47:32,057 --> 00:47:33,641
Mmh...
720
00:47:36,561 --> 00:47:39,105
I've never been on a summer cruise.
721
00:47:39,230 --> 00:47:41,982
Ah! Que! dommage.
722
00:47:43,902 --> 00:47:46,738
Oh, I see we're getting acquainted.
723
00:47:46,863 --> 00:47:49,949
How would you like to go back
to teasing hair, big mouth?
724
00:47:50,075 --> 00:47:51,659
Later, Roger.
725
00:47:51,785 --> 00:47:55,121
Roger, do you mind
if we talk a little business?
726
00:47:55,246 --> 00:47:59,500
Oh, please, please.
That is what we are here for.
727
00:47:59,667 --> 00:48:04,004
I think this would be
a marvelous opportunity for you, Roger.
728
00:48:04,130 --> 00:48:06,465
Be careful. That hurt!
729
00:48:06,633 --> 00:48:09,177
Up to now, you've always
been associated with musicals.
730
00:48:09,302 --> 00:48:12,596
Yes! Dopey Showgirls with gooey gowns.
731
00:48:12,722 --> 00:48:15,933
"Two, three, kick, turn.
Turn, turn, kick, turn!"
732
00:48:16,059 --> 00:48:17,560
It's enough to make you puke.
733
00:48:17,685 --> 00:48:19,019
Roger.
734
00:48:19,145 --> 00:48:22,731
But now, at last,
a chance to do straight drama.
735
00:48:23,316 --> 00:48:26,360
Roger de Bris presents history.
736
00:48:27,737 --> 00:48:31,824
Of course,
I think we should add a little music,
737
00:48:31,950 --> 00:48:34,369
and that whole third act has got to go.
738
00:48:35,036 --> 00:48:38,372
They're losing the war.
It's too depressing.
739
00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:42,585
We shall have to put something in there.
740
00:48:44,170 --> 00:48:45,254
What?
741
00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:47,507
I see it! I see it!
742
00:48:47,632 --> 00:48:51,844
Aline of beautiful girls
dressed as storm troopers,
743
00:48:51,970 --> 00:48:53,805
black patent leather boots,
744
00:48:53,888 --> 00:48:55,306
- S-M.
- Love it.
745
00:48:55,432 --> 00:48:57,600
All marching together!
746
00:48:57,725 --> 00:49:00,394
"Two, three, kick, turn.
Turn, turn, kick, turn..."
747
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:01,854
It will work!
748
00:49:01,980 --> 00:49:04,899
That is genius! Genius!
749
00:49:05,024 --> 00:49:07,526
I think I speak for Mr Bloom
and myself when I say
750
00:49:07,652 --> 00:49:11,530
you're the only man in the world
who can do justice to "Springtime for Hitler".
751
00:49:11,656 --> 00:49:14,116
Wait a minute.
This is a very big decision.
752
00:49:14,242 --> 00:49:17,161
It might affect the course of my entire life.
753
00:49:17,287 --> 00:49:19,789
I shall have to think about it.
754
00:49:19,914 --> 00:49:22,791
- I'll do it.
- Congratulations and thank you.
755
00:49:22,917 --> 00:49:25,461
Get on the phone!
Send out a casting call!
756
00:49:25,628 --> 00:49:29,798
Call every agent in town!
I want to see everybody, everybody!
757
00:49:45,356 --> 00:49:46,940
Heil!
758
00:50:00,955 --> 00:50:03,040
This is bedlam! Bedlam!
759
00:50:04,125 --> 00:50:06,001
We must have some order!
760
00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:10,923
Whoa, whoa... whoa!
761
00:50:11,049 --> 00:50:14,594
Will the dancing Hitlers
please wait in the wings?
762
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:16,679
We are only seeing singing Hitlers.
763
00:50:26,064 --> 00:50:27,273
Arthur Packard.
764
00:50:32,028 --> 00:50:34,697
Hello, Arthur.
Tell us something about yourself.
765
00:50:34,822 --> 00:50:38,826
I was the lead tenor
of the Albuquerque Opera Company
766
00:50:38,952 --> 00:50:40,745
for the last two seasons.
767
00:50:40,870 --> 00:50:43,789
I just finished the road tour of “Lilac Time",
768
00:50:43,873 --> 00:50:46,625
and last season,
I was up for the lead
769
00:50:46,793 --> 00:50:49,879
in the Broadway production
of "The Gypsy Lover".
770
00:50:50,004 --> 00:50:51,338
What happened?
771
00:50:51,464 --> 00:50:52,923
I didn't get it.
772
00:50:53,007 --> 00:50:55,217
Well, Arthur, what are you going
to sing for us?
773
00:50:55,343 --> 00:50:59,430
I would like to sing
"A Wandering Minstrel I".
774
00:51:00,014 --> 00:51:01,015
Very well.
775
00:51:05,687 --> 00:51:09,565
♪ A wandering minstrel I
776
00:51:09,691 --> 00:51:12,610
♪ A thing of shreds and...
777
00:51:12,735 --> 00:51:15,362
- Thank you!
- ♪ ...patches ♪
778
00:51:15,488 --> 00:51:17,031
Next, please!
779
00:51:17,156 --> 00:51:19,533
Jason Green. Please.
780
00:51:23,246 --> 00:51:25,581
Well, Jason, and what
have you been up to lately?
781
00:51:25,707 --> 00:51:30,169
For the last 16 years,
I have been touring with the USO.
782
00:51:30,295 --> 00:51:31,296
Well...
783
00:51:32,046 --> 00:51:33,547
And what are you going to sing for us?
784
00:51:33,590 --> 00:51:36,134
"Have You Ever Heard
The German Band?"
785
00:51:36,259 --> 00:51:37,635
No.
786
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:41,054
That's the name of the song
I am going to sing.
787
00:51:41,222 --> 00:51:42,681
Oh...
788
00:51:44,517 --> 00:51:46,143
You will play it!
789
00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:54,610
♪ Haben Sie gehört
790
00:51:54,736 --> 00:51:57,321
♪ Das deutsche Band
791
00:51:57,447 --> 00:51:59,740
♪ With a bang, with a boom
792
00:51:59,866 --> 00:52:02,076
♪ With a bang-bang, boom-boom, bang
793
00:52:02,910 --> 00:52:07,410
♪ Oh, haben Sie gehört
das deutsche Band
794
00:52:08,333 --> 00:52:10,418
♪With a bang, with a boom...
795
00:52:10,585 --> 00:52:13,504
- Thank you!
- ♪ With a bing ♪
796
00:52:15,089 --> 00:52:18,467
"The Little Wooden Boy".
797
00:52:22,930 --> 00:52:25,390
- ♪ Once... ♪
- Thank you!
798
00:52:26,434 --> 00:52:30,271
- ♪ Beautiful dreamer.
- Thank you!
799
00:52:30,396 --> 00:52:31,939
♪ Harken... ♪
800
00:52:32,065 --> 00:52:35,193
- Oh! Does that mean that I don't get...
- I'm sorry.
801
00:52:35,318 --> 00:52:37,194
You're sorry?
802
00:52:37,779 --> 00:52:41,240
- ♪ De la...
- Thank you!
803
00:52:43,076 --> 00:52:47,330
♪ Città ♪
804
00:52:49,123 --> 00:52:50,582
Well, that's it.
805
00:52:57,090 --> 00:52:59,509
- Hey, man.
- I beg your pardon?
806
00:53:00,385 --> 00:53:03,554
Is this where they're auditioning
"Boomerang", baby?
807
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:06,641
I'm afraid you wandered
into the wrong theater.
808
00:53:08,393 --> 00:53:12,230
Oh, man, not again!
Freaked out again.
809
00:53:12,355 --> 00:53:13,898
Wait! Wait!
810
00:53:14,023 --> 00:53:16,400
This is "Boomerang", this is "Boomerang".
811
00:53:16,526 --> 00:53:19,487
- What are you saying?
- Let's hear him. What have we got to lose?
812
00:53:19,612 --> 00:53:21,196
All right.
813
00:53:21,322 --> 00:53:23,073
- Young man...
- Yes, man?
814
00:53:23,199 --> 00:53:24,742
What is your name?
815
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:28,871
Oh, man. My name?
816
00:53:31,290 --> 00:53:33,000
I know my...
817
00:53:33,167 --> 00:53:35,669
Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby.
818
00:53:35,837 --> 00:53:39,757
Lorenzo St. Dubois,
but my friends call me LSD.
819
00:53:39,882 --> 00:53:43,260
- And what have you done, LSD?
- Man, about six months.
820
00:53:43,386 --> 00:53:45,513
But I'm on probation,
and I'm cool, man. I'm straight.
821
00:53:45,638 --> 00:53:47,973
I mean, what do you do best?
822
00:53:48,099 --> 00:53:50,476
Hey, man, I can't do that here.
823
00:53:50,601 --> 00:53:52,102
That's why they put me away, baby.
824
00:53:52,228 --> 00:53:54,271
Oh, sing, sing.
825
00:53:54,397 --> 00:53:56,107
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so very much.
826
00:53:56,107 --> 00:53:57,316
We're gonna sing.
827
00:53:57,442 --> 00:54:00,570
If I may, I'd like to call on my group.
They kind of help me a little.
828
00:54:00,695 --> 00:54:02,613
Group! Come on, fellas.
829
00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:04,907
I would like to sing this song.
830
00:54:05,032 --> 00:54:08,452
It's about love... and hate.
831
00:54:08,578 --> 00:54:12,415
Psychedelically speaking,
I am talking about "the power“.
832
00:54:23,676 --> 00:54:25,344
♪ Love power
833
00:54:26,387 --> 00:54:28,138
♪ I'm talking about
834
00:54:28,222 --> 00:54:29,723
♪ Love power
835
00:54:30,725 --> 00:54:33,894
♪ The power of a sweet flower
836
00:54:35,062 --> 00:54:36,855
♪ Is gonna rule the Earth
837
00:54:39,150 --> 00:54:41,527
♪ And there'll be a great rebirth
838
00:54:45,323 --> 00:54:47,700
♪ Love is the flower that is mine
839
00:54:49,452 --> 00:54:51,454
♪ When I'm walking with my darlin'
840
00:54:51,579 --> 00:54:53,706
♪ And we're holding hands
841
00:54:54,332 --> 00:54:56,125
♪ And life is fine
842
00:54:56,250 --> 00:54:58,627
♪ 'Cause she understands
843
00:54:58,795 --> 00:55:01,839
♪ Walking down the sunny street
844
00:55:03,257 --> 00:55:05,050
♪ Giving pretty flowers
845
00:55:05,176 --> 00:55:08,095
♪ To the people that we meet
846
00:55:11,682 --> 00:55:16,182
♪ And I give a flower to the big, fat cop
847
00:55:16,437 --> 00:55:20,691
♪ He takes his club, and he beats me up
848
00:55:20,817 --> 00:55:25,071
♪ I give a flower to the garbage man
849
00:55:25,196 --> 00:55:29,158
♪ He stuffs my girl in the garbage can
850
00:55:29,283 --> 00:55:33,495
♪ And I give it to the landlord
when the rent comes round
851
00:55:33,621 --> 00:55:35,456
♪ He throws it in a toilet
852
00:55:35,581 --> 00:55:37,749
♪ And he'll flush it down
853
00:55:37,917 --> 00:55:39,627
♪ It goes into the sewer
854
00:55:39,752 --> 00:55:41,712
♪ With the yuck running through her
855
00:55:41,879 --> 00:55:44,590
♪ And it runs into the river that we drink
856
00:55:44,715 --> 00:55:46,717
♪ Hey, world, you stink
857
00:55:47,552 --> 00:55:48,594
♪ Ooh!
858
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:51,430
♪ Ooh! Man, it's later than you think
859
00:55:52,974 --> 00:55:56,227
♪ Ooh! So you got just one more chance
860
00:55:56,811 --> 00:55:59,980
♪ Mmh! Come on, baby, while I dance
861
00:56:10,700 --> 00:56:13,202
♪ Love, love power
862
00:56:13,327 --> 00:56:15,203
♪ I'm talking about
863
00:56:15,329 --> 00:56:17,039
♪ Love power
864
00:56:17,999 --> 00:56:21,210
♪ The power of a little flower
865
00:56:23,421 --> 00:56:25,256
♪ You don't think about the little flowers
866
00:56:25,339 --> 00:56:27,591
♪ Oh, no, all you think about is guns
867
00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:30,803
♪ If everybody in the world today
had a flower instead of a gun
868
00:56:30,928 --> 00:56:32,179
♪ There would be no wars
869
00:56:32,305 --> 00:56:34,724
♪ There would be one big smell-in
870
00:56:36,601 --> 00:56:38,269
♪ Just a flower!
871
00:56:40,730 --> 00:56:42,231
♪ Hey, man
872
00:56:44,567 --> 00:56:46,068
♪ My flower
873
00:56:47,820 --> 00:56:49,947
♪ What'd you do to my flower, man?
874
00:56:50,072 --> 00:56:53,366
♪ You hurt it, like everything else
875
00:56:55,161 --> 00:56:56,871
♪ Everything else
876
00:56:56,996 --> 00:56:58,789
♪ No flower ♪
877
00:57:04,670 --> 00:57:06,588
That's our Hitler!
878
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:44,084
Your Highness.
879
00:57:49,423 --> 00:57:52,426
There's The Times' drama critic.
880
00:57:52,593 --> 00:57:57,093
Watch closely as Max Bialystock
puts the last nail into the coffin.
881
00:57:57,390 --> 00:58:00,351
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.
882
00:58:00,434 --> 00:58:03,562
Always delighted to greet
the gentlemen of the press.
883
00:58:03,688 --> 00:58:05,022
Here you are, sir.
884
00:58:05,147 --> 00:58:08,108
Two on the aisle,
compliments of the management.
885
00:58:08,234 --> 00:58:09,568
Thank you.
886
00:58:09,694 --> 00:58:13,572
Wait, wait... Wait a moment.
There seems to be some mistake.
887
00:58:13,698 --> 00:58:16,867
There's a $100-bill
wrapped around these tickets.
888
00:58:16,993 --> 00:58:18,869
That's no mistake.
889
00:58:18,995 --> 00:58:21,038
Enjoy the show.
890
00:58:21,163 --> 00:58:24,708
Mr Bialystock,
just what do you think you're doing?
891
00:58:24,875 --> 00:58:26,835
I'm bribing you.
892
00:58:26,961 --> 00:58:30,631
Just play ball,
there's a lot more where that came from.
893
00:58:55,865 --> 00:58:57,741
Fix this button.
894
00:58:58,409 --> 00:59:01,078
Straight! Up! Up! Always up!
895
00:59:04,999 --> 00:59:09,336
Gentlemen, it is magic time.
Good luck.
896
00:59:09,462 --> 00:59:11,172
Good luck.
897
00:59:13,257 --> 00:59:15,801
Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow...
898
00:59:20,306 --> 00:59:22,433
So much for Nazi failure.
899
00:59:30,107 --> 00:59:32,651
He'll kill us.
900
00:59:34,236 --> 00:59:36,571
Max, come on, the overture's started.
901
00:59:43,621 --> 00:59:45,414
Well, Max...
902
00:59:48,125 --> 00:59:49,835
This is it!
903
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:51,795
Sorry. I'm a little nervous.
904
00:59:51,921 --> 00:59:54,882
Relax. In two hours,
our worries will be over.
905
00:59:59,678 --> 01:00:02,764
♪ Germany was having trouble,
what a sad, sad story
906
01:00:02,890 --> 01:00:06,393
♪ Needed a new leader
to restore its former glory
907
01:00:06,519 --> 01:00:08,604
♪ Where, where was he?
908
01:00:08,729 --> 01:00:10,897
♪ Where could that man be?
909
01:00:11,023 --> 01:00:14,109
♪ We looked around and then we found
910
01:00:14,235 --> 01:00:16,362
♪ The man for you and me
911
01:00:17,404 --> 01:00:20,073
♪ And now it's...
912
01:00:20,199 --> 01:00:24,699
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
913
01:00:27,957 --> 01:00:32,457
♪ Deutschland is happy and gay
914
01:00:34,839 --> 01:00:39,339
♪ We're marching to a faster pace
915
01:00:41,679 --> 01:00:46,179
♪ Look out, here comes the master race
916
01:00:48,519 --> 01:00:53,019
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
917
01:00:55,693 --> 01:01:00,193
♪ Winter for Poland and France
918
01:01:02,074 --> 01:01:06,574
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
919
01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:10,082
♪ Come on, Germans
920
01:01:10,249 --> 01:01:12,834
♪ Go into your dance
921
01:01:18,132 --> 01:01:21,510
♪ I was born in Düsseldorf,
and that is why they call me Rolf
922
01:01:24,305 --> 01:01:27,641
♪ Don't be stupid, be a smarty,
come and join the Nazi party!
923
01:02:10,976 --> 01:02:15,476
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
924
01:02:18,609 --> 01:02:22,988
♪ Goose step's the new step today
925
01:02:25,699 --> 01:02:30,199
♪ Bombs falling from the skies again
926
01:02:32,831 --> 01:02:37,331
♪ Deutschland is on the rise again
927
01:02:40,256 --> 01:02:44,756
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
928
01:02:47,596 --> 01:02:51,182
♪ U-boats are sailing once more... ♪
929
01:02:51,308 --> 01:02:52,726
Well!
930
01:02:52,851 --> 01:02:54,727
Talk about bad taste!
931
01:02:54,853 --> 01:02:59,353
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany
932
01:03:02,611 --> 01:03:06,448
♪ Means that soon we'll be going
933
01:03:06,573 --> 01:03:08,449
♪ We've got to be going
934
01:03:08,575 --> 01:03:13,075
♪ You know we'll be going to war ♪
935
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:28,344
Yeah!
936
01:03:33,934 --> 01:03:35,936
Come, let us repair
to the bar across the street.
937
01:03:36,061 --> 01:03:38,104
We don't want to be caught here
during intermission.
938
01:03:38,230 --> 01:03:40,398
They'll stone us to death.
939
01:03:45,821 --> 01:03:49,157
Er liebt Mich, er liebt Mich nicht.
940
01:03:49,283 --> 01:03:52,327
Er liebt Mich, er liebt Mich nicht.
941
01:03:53,287 --> 01:03:55,122
Er liebt Mich nicht!
942
01:03:58,667 --> 01:04:00,502
Hey, man...
943
01:04:00,669 --> 01:04:04,214
I lieb you. I lieb you, baby.
I lieb you!
944
01:04:04,340 --> 01:04:05,758
Now lieb me alone.
945
01:04:08,385 --> 01:04:09,969
Harry, he's funny.
946
01:04:10,095 --> 01:04:12,305
Hey, Maureen, come!
947
01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:17,186
If you lieb me so much,
948
01:04:17,311 --> 01:04:20,480
why don't you pay attention to me,
you big dictator?
949
01:04:21,065 --> 01:04:24,401
Oh, you chicks!
Oh, you chicks! You're all alike!
950
01:04:24,526 --> 01:04:27,779
All you think about is
lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben!
951
01:04:27,905 --> 01:04:30,574
Don't you forget, baby,
I took an oath.
952
01:04:30,699 --> 01:04:32,867
Deutschland über alles!
953
01:04:34,161 --> 01:04:35,453
- Ah.
- So, cool it,
954
01:04:35,579 --> 01:04:37,497
while I map out my campaign.
955
01:04:41,835 --> 01:04:43,586
♪ Gonna crush Poland
956
01:04:45,172 --> 01:04:48,049
♪ And I'm gonna take over France
957
01:04:48,175 --> 01:04:50,719
♪ Ba, whee, dow, baba-dodo
958
01:04:50,844 --> 01:04:52,428
♪ Sieg heil, Sieg heil!
959
01:04:52,554 --> 01:04:56,015
♪ Then we're gonna take over Poland
960
01:04:56,141 --> 01:04:59,352
♪ And then I'm a-gonna crush France
961
01:04:59,478 --> 01:05:03,356
♪ Baby, don't you know, mama
962
01:05:03,482 --> 01:05:06,985
♪ Then I'm gonna cross
that English Channel, wow!
963
01:05:07,111 --> 01:05:11,198
♪ And then I'm gonna kick them cats
in the pants, pow! ♪
964
01:05:14,952 --> 01:05:16,662
Heil!
965
01:05:23,460 --> 01:05:25,837
Did you see the look
on that woman's face?
966
01:05:26,004 --> 01:05:27,880
When the guy started to sing...
967
01:05:28,048 --> 01:05:31,593
♪ Springtime for Hitler
968
01:05:31,718 --> 01:05:33,594
♪ And Germany ♪
969
01:05:35,264 --> 01:05:37,182
Shh!
970
01:05:37,307 --> 01:05:41,769
Here's to the one and only performance
of "Springtime for Hitler".
971
01:05:41,895 --> 01:05:43,897
May it rest in peace.
972
01:05:48,569 --> 01:05:51,154
Innkeeper! Innkeeper!
973
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:53,198
Another round of drinks here.
974
01:05:54,450 --> 01:05:58,078
As a matter of fact, a round of drinks
for everybody in the place.
975
01:06:02,332 --> 01:06:03,958
Just think...
976
01:06:04,126 --> 01:06:07,712
Yesterday,
I was a meaningless little accountant,
977
01:06:07,838 --> 01:06:11,007
and today I'm the producer
of a Broadway flop!
978
01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:14,928
Well, here's to failure.
979
01:06:15,095 --> 01:06:16,471
To failure.
980
01:06:16,597 --> 01:06:19,933
Oh, thank you.
It's very kind of you.
981
01:06:31,862 --> 01:06:33,780
Bitteschön, mein Führer.
982
01:06:34,615 --> 01:06:37,326
Hey, man, you're a German!
983
01:06:38,702 --> 01:06:40,453
We're all Germans!
984
01:06:41,997 --> 01:06:43,832
That's right!
985
01:06:43,957 --> 01:06:47,001
That means we cannot attack Germany.
986
01:06:50,088 --> 01:06:52,632
I mean, I got all my friends here,
you know?
987
01:06:54,259 --> 01:06:56,511
And what about me?
988
01:06:56,637 --> 01:07:00,223
And then there's the country club
and the laughs every night...
989
01:07:00,349 --> 01:07:02,184
We got to do something.
I got it!
990
01:07:03,060 --> 01:07:06,188
I've got it! I've got it! I've got it!
I've got it!
991
01:07:06,313 --> 01:07:10,317
- What have you got?
- A medal. It fell down my pants, man.
992
01:07:10,442 --> 01:07:11,901
Get it out, baby.
993
01:07:12,569 --> 01:07:14,153
Dankeschön, baby.
994
01:07:14,279 --> 01:07:17,699
“Baby. Baby."
995
01:07:17,824 --> 01:07:19,367
Why does he say this "baby"?
996
01:07:19,493 --> 01:07:22,704
The Führer has never said "baby".
I did not write "baby".
997
01:07:22,829 --> 01:07:24,914
What is it with this "baby"?
998
01:07:25,082 --> 01:07:26,708
Will you please shut up?
999
01:07:26,875 --> 01:07:29,502
You shut up.
You are the audience.
1000
01:07:29,670 --> 01:07:32,631
I am the author. I outrank you!
1001
01:07:33,632 --> 01:07:35,091
Barkeep! Barkeep!
1002
01:07:35,217 --> 01:07:37,552
Another drink for myself...
1003
01:07:37,678 --> 01:07:39,680
my associate, Mr Bloom...
1004
01:07:42,641 --> 01:07:46,770
And don't forget
our good-natured inebriate over here.
1005
01:07:55,237 --> 01:07:56,863
Eternally grateful.
1006
01:07:59,533 --> 01:08:00,951
- A toast!
- A toast!
1007
01:08:01,076 --> 01:08:02,786
A toast!
1008
01:08:03,495 --> 01:08:04,746
To what?
1009
01:08:04,871 --> 01:08:06,122
To...
1010
01:08:08,500 --> 01:08:10,627
To toast. I love toast.
1011
01:08:10,794 --> 01:08:13,213
- To toast.
- To toast.
1012
01:08:19,970 --> 01:08:21,429
Now...
1013
01:08:21,555 --> 01:08:23,431
I'll take the lead,
1014
01:08:23,557 --> 01:08:27,978
and I want you right behind
me all the way!
1015
01:08:28,103 --> 01:08:29,187
♪ By the light
1016
01:08:29,313 --> 01:08:31,356
♪ By the light, by the light
1017
01:08:31,481 --> 01:08:35,568
♪ Of the silvery moon
1018
01:08:35,694 --> 01:08:37,404
♪ I want to spoon
1019
01:08:37,529 --> 01:08:40,031
♪ He wants to spoon,
he wants to spoon
1020
01:08:40,157 --> 01:08:41,575
♪ To my honey I'll croon
1021
01:08:41,700 --> 01:08:44,703
♪ He's gonna croon a love's tune
1022
01:08:44,828 --> 01:08:47,956
- ♪ Honeymoon.
- ♪ Honeymoon, honeymoon
1023
01:08:48,081 --> 01:08:50,083
♪ Came a-shining in June
1024
01:08:50,250 --> 01:08:54,587
- ♪ Your silvery beams...
- Sing it out, boys!
1025
01:08:54,713 --> 01:08:56,506
♪ ...will bring love's dreams
1026
01:08:56,632 --> 01:09:00,385
- ♪ We'll be cuddling soon.
- Oh, ride me off!
1027
01:09:00,510 --> 01:09:05,010
♪ By the silvery moon ♪
1028
01:09:05,599 --> 01:09:07,267
Bye!
1029
01:09:14,566 --> 01:09:16,484
It's intermission! Quick!
1030
01:09:16,610 --> 01:09:19,279
Hide your faces.
They'll tear us to pieces.
1031
01:09:22,908 --> 01:09:25,410
- Give us a couple of Manhattans.
- I'll have a Manhattan.
1032
01:09:26,453 --> 01:09:28,872
- Here you go, Frank.
- You getting it? Good boy!
1033
01:09:28,997 --> 01:09:30,873
Two whiskey sours, please.
1034
01:09:30,999 --> 01:09:34,544
Well, so far, that's about one of the
funniest things I've ever seen on Broadway.
1035
01:09:34,711 --> 01:09:38,297
- I never laughed so much in my life.
- Absolutely hysterical!
1036
01:09:38,465 --> 01:09:41,134
I thought I'd split my sides!
1037
01:09:42,803 --> 01:09:44,971
Take it easy. Don't panic.
1038
01:09:45,097 --> 01:09:46,723
There are a lot of plays on this street.
1039
01:09:46,848 --> 01:09:49,559
They aren't necessarily
talking about "Springtime for Hitler".
1040
01:09:49,685 --> 01:09:53,939
Would you ever believe you'd love
a show called "Springtime for Hitler"?
1041
01:09:56,108 --> 01:09:57,692
Hey, come on, let's get back!
1042
01:09:57,818 --> 01:10:00,779
If the second act is anything like the first,
this'll run for five years!
1043
01:10:00,904 --> 01:10:04,741
♪ Springtime for Hitler and Germany ♪
1044
01:10:07,369 --> 01:10:09,871
Gotta think. Gotta think.
1045
01:10:10,539 --> 01:10:13,291
Mrs Cathcart, 50 per cent.
1046
01:10:13,458 --> 01:10:15,543
Mrs Resnick, 50 per cent.
1047
01:10:15,711 --> 01:10:17,212
Gotta think.
1048
01:10:17,379 --> 01:10:20,423
- Mrs Biddlecomb, 50 per cent.
- Gotta think. Gotta think.
1049
01:10:20,549 --> 01:10:23,301
Mrs Wentworth, 100 per cent.
1050
01:10:26,513 --> 01:10:31,013
- Leo.
- No way out.
1051
01:10:31,560 --> 01:10:32,727
- Leo.
- No way...
1052
01:10:32,853 --> 01:10:33,937
Leo.
1053
01:10:35,105 --> 01:10:37,565
- No way...
- Leo, listen.
1054
01:10:37,691 --> 01:10:39,984
Let's go to the theater
and see what's really happening.
1055
01:10:40,110 --> 01:10:43,363
After all, we only heard from
a small portion of the audience.
1056
01:10:44,489 --> 01:10:47,033
Let's hear what the majority thinks.
1057
01:10:47,159 --> 01:10:51,204
- The majority?
- The majority.
1058
01:10:51,329 --> 01:10:53,664
- Let's hear from the majority.
- Yeah, the majority.
1059
01:10:53,790 --> 01:10:55,541
- Where's the majority?
- Majority.
1060
01:10:55,709 --> 01:10:57,794
- Let's hear the majority.
- The majority.
1061
01:10:57,961 --> 01:10:59,671
- See the majority?
- The majority.
1062
01:10:59,796 --> 01:11:01,297
- Where's the majority?
- The majority.
1063
01:11:17,481 --> 01:11:18,899
♪ One and one is two
1064
01:11:19,024 --> 01:11:20,233
♪ Two and two is four
1065
01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:23,444
♪ I feel so bad
'cause I'm losing the war ♪
1066
01:11:27,991 --> 01:11:30,451
Excuse me. Excuse me.
1067
01:11:30,577 --> 01:11:33,413
The play here is in progress!
You must be quiet!
1068
01:11:33,538 --> 01:11:35,456
Swine! Swine!
1069
01:11:40,462 --> 01:11:43,047
Oh, man, we're losing everything!
Everything!
1070
01:11:43,215 --> 01:11:45,050
Where's my Goebbels?
Where's my Goebbels?
1071
01:11:45,175 --> 01:11:47,969
Where's my Goebbels?
Get me my little Joe!
1072
01:11:48,094 --> 01:11:49,470
Send for Goebbels!
1073
01:11:49,596 --> 01:11:53,975
- Send for Goebbels!
- Send for Goebbels!
1074
01:11:59,606 --> 01:12:01,733
- Heil, baby!
- Hey, baby!
1075
01:12:01,858 --> 01:12:02,859
What's happening?
1076
01:12:02,984 --> 01:12:05,653
I just laid the morning propaganda
programmes on the people.
1077
01:12:05,779 --> 01:12:08,031
You're putting me on!
What did they say?
1078
01:12:08,156 --> 01:12:10,616
I told the people we invaded England!
1079
01:12:10,742 --> 01:12:13,661
Hey, that's a groove, daddy!
How did we come out?
1080
01:12:13,787 --> 01:12:15,497
We beat 'em, baby!
1081
01:12:15,622 --> 01:12:17,665
Groovy! That's my Joe!
That's my little Joe.
1082
01:12:17,833 --> 01:12:19,709
I love my little Joe.
1083
01:12:20,710 --> 01:12:21,794
Joseph?
1084
01:12:21,962 --> 01:12:24,673
You are smoking
in the presence of the Führer.
1085
01:12:24,798 --> 01:12:26,508
I'm sorry, big daddy.
1086
01:12:29,636 --> 01:12:31,179
They try.
1087
01:12:31,304 --> 01:12:33,431
Man, how they try.
1088
01:12:34,766 --> 01:12:37,059
- Ja!
- Hey, what can I do for you?
1089
01:12:37,185 --> 01:12:39,478
You will please be unconscious.
1090
01:12:40,438 --> 01:12:42,731
This is an outrage.
It must stop.
1091
01:12:42,858 --> 01:12:44,734
It makes me so mad what they do.
1092
01:12:44,860 --> 01:12:46,486
Curtain must go down! Down!
1093
01:12:47,112 --> 01:12:49,030
Hey, what's happening?
1094
01:12:54,661 --> 01:12:56,871
I am the author of this play!
1095
01:12:56,997 --> 01:12:58,957
You are the victims of a hoax!
1096
01:12:59,082 --> 01:13:02,627
These are not my words!
The Führer has never said this "baby"!
1097
01:13:02,794 --> 01:13:06,005
The Führer was sweet!
The Führer was kind!
1098
01:13:06,131 --> 01:13:07,966
The Führer was good!
1099
01:13:08,133 --> 01:13:12,345
Oh, he loved me!
Often, often he would say to me,
1100
01:13:12,512 --> 01:13:14,847
"Franz... Ow!"
1101
01:13:45,003 --> 01:13:46,462
Boo-boo?
1102
01:13:47,005 --> 01:13:48,589
Boo-boo?
1103
01:13:50,967 --> 01:13:53,219
- Yeah?
- We make love?
1104
01:13:54,220 --> 01:13:57,139
No. We don't make love.
1105
01:13:57,265 --> 01:13:58,933
Go to work.
1106
01:14:25,210 --> 01:14:27,170
"Congratulations."
1107
01:14:27,295 --> 01:14:29,547
"It's the biggest hit on Broadway."
1108
01:14:31,383 --> 01:14:32,967
"Congratulations."
1109
01:14:33,134 --> 01:14:35,302
"Hitler will run forever."
1110
01:14:37,097 --> 01:14:38,556
"Congratulations."
1111
01:14:38,682 --> 01:14:41,351
"Congratulations." “Congratulations."
1112
01:14:41,434 --> 01:14:43,352
"Congratulations."
1113
01:14:43,478 --> 01:14:46,022
Congratulations!
1114
01:14:46,147 --> 01:14:48,983
Have you seen the lines
at the box office?
1115
01:14:49,109 --> 01:14:51,111
It's a torrent!
It's an avalanche!
1116
01:14:51,236 --> 01:14:53,071
It's the biggest hit on Broadway!
1117
01:14:53,196 --> 01:14:56,199
You lousy fruit! You ruined me!
1118
01:14:58,201 --> 01:15:01,204
You're crazy! He's gonna kill me!
Call the police! Call the police!
1119
01:15:01,329 --> 01:15:04,165
Help! Help!
Murder! Murder! Rape!
1120
01:15:08,253 --> 01:15:10,088
Don't let anybody in.
1121
01:15:10,255 --> 01:15:12,340
Got to think.
1122
01:15:12,465 --> 01:15:13,799
I got to think.
1123
01:15:18,304 --> 01:15:19,763
How could this happen?
1124
01:15:21,224 --> 01:15:22,850
I was so careful.
1125
01:15:22,976 --> 01:15:25,311
I picked the wrong play,
1126
01:15:25,437 --> 01:15:27,981
the wrong director, the wrong cast.
1127
01:15:28,732 --> 01:15:30,608
Where did I go right?
1128
01:15:36,197 --> 01:15:37,698
What are you doing?
1129
01:15:37,824 --> 01:15:39,575
Don't try to stop me.
I've made up my mind.
1130
01:15:39,701 --> 01:15:41,661
What are you doing with the books?
Where are you going?
1131
01:15:41,661 --> 01:15:43,496
I'm turning myself in.
It's the only way.
1132
01:15:43,621 --> 01:15:45,205
I'm gonna cooperate with the authorities.
1133
01:15:45,206 --> 01:15:47,249
They'll reduce my sentence,
there's time off for good behaviour,
1134
01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:49,877
and maybe I'll get a job
in the prison library. So long.
1135
01:15:50,045 --> 01:15:51,755
Leo. Leo...
1136
01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:53,089
Leo, Leo, Leo...
1137
01:15:53,214 --> 01:15:55,925
Leo, Leo, take it easy. Relax.
1138
01:15:56,051 --> 01:15:58,344
You're overwrought.
You don't know what you're doing.
1139
01:15:58,470 --> 01:16:01,222
You're acting out of panic.
Give me those books!
1140
01:16:01,347 --> 01:16:03,057
I never should have listened to you!
1141
01:16:03,183 --> 01:16:04,809
I never should have
listened to you!
1142
01:16:04,934 --> 01:16:08,604
- Oh, how I hate you!
- Double, double, double!
1143
01:16:16,154 --> 01:16:20,491
Fat! Fat!
1144
01:16:20,617 --> 01:16:22,327
You fatty!
1145
01:16:22,452 --> 01:16:24,412
Give me those books, you fat walrus!
1146
01:16:24,537 --> 01:16:26,705
- Never!
- Give 'em quick!
1147
01:16:26,831 --> 01:16:31,331
- You fat fatty, give me those fat books!
- No! No!
1148
01:16:34,089 --> 01:16:36,925
You have broken the sacred oath!
You must die!
1149
01:16:45,767 --> 01:16:48,060
This is not good here.
1150
01:16:48,186 --> 01:16:49,979
I am not killing you.
1151
01:16:50,105 --> 01:16:53,108
Don't you understand?
You must die.
1152
01:16:53,233 --> 01:16:55,693
Will you cooperate?
1153
01:16:55,819 --> 01:16:57,695
- Come in!
- Come in!
1154
01:16:58,738 --> 01:17:01,657
I hear noise. You call?
1155
01:17:01,783 --> 01:17:03,534
Where are y...
1156
01:17:05,829 --> 01:17:07,330
Boo!
1157
01:17:07,455 --> 01:17:09,248
I see you.
1158
01:17:09,374 --> 01:17:11,918
You like something? Coffee?
1159
01:17:12,085 --> 01:17:13,669
Coffee.
1160
01:17:13,837 --> 01:17:16,548
Yes! Good idea.
1161
01:17:16,673 --> 01:17:19,092
Ask the gentleman with the gun...
1162
01:17:20,468 --> 01:17:24,968
the gentleman who is shooting at us
and trying to kill us,
1163
01:17:25,140 --> 01:17:26,975
what he will have.
1164
01:17:29,769 --> 01:17:31,896
You like coffee?
1165
01:17:32,730 --> 01:17:34,523
Kaffee? Ja.
1166
01:17:34,649 --> 01:17:36,108
Black, two sugars.
1167
01:17:36,234 --> 01:17:40,404
Two regular,
one black, two sugar. Good.
1168
01:17:48,496 --> 01:17:51,874
- Champagne?
- No, thanks. I have just ordered Kaffee.
1169
01:17:52,041 --> 01:17:53,042
Argh!
1170
01:17:56,629 --> 01:17:59,840
Are you coming out
from behind this desk or not?
1171
01:17:59,966 --> 01:18:01,968
- Not!
- Cowards!
1172
01:18:02,093 --> 01:18:04,887
Miserable, cringing cowards!
1173
01:18:05,597 --> 01:18:07,557
Clinging to life! Watch!
1174
01:18:09,058 --> 01:18:11,351
Watch and remember!
1175
01:18:11,477 --> 01:18:15,022
Franz Liebkind
will show you how to die like a man!
1176
01:18:17,025 --> 01:18:21,525
♪ Deutschland,
Deutschland über alles... ♪
1177
01:18:23,156 --> 01:18:25,867
Please, sing.
1178
01:18:25,992 --> 01:18:28,661
Soon I will be with mein Führer.
1179
01:18:28,786 --> 01:18:31,371
And Göring! And Goebbels!
1180
01:18:31,497 --> 01:18:32,831
And Himmler!
1181
01:18:32,957 --> 01:18:35,334
I'm coming, boys!
1182
01:18:37,503 --> 01:18:39,213
Ugh!
1183
01:18:39,339 --> 01:18:41,883
Boy, when things go wrong...
1184
01:18:47,222 --> 01:18:51,643
Wasted a whole day
playing hide-and-seek with a crazy kraut!
1185
01:18:51,768 --> 01:18:53,311
Ow!
1186
01:18:54,854 --> 01:18:58,232
- There, there.
- Where? Where?
1187
01:18:59,400 --> 01:19:02,069
You crazy lunatic,
what are you shooting at us for?
1188
01:19:02,195 --> 01:19:04,071
Why don't you use this
where it'll do some good?
1189
01:19:04,113 --> 01:19:05,489
Why don't you shoot at the actors?
1190
01:19:09,452 --> 01:19:11,162
Franz...
1191
01:19:11,287 --> 01:19:13,622
Have I ever steered you wrong?
1192
01:19:13,748 --> 01:19:15,082
Always.
1193
01:19:15,250 --> 01:19:17,543
Never mind. Listen.
1194
01:19:17,710 --> 01:19:21,547
Every night, people are laughing
at your beloved Führer. Why?
1195
01:19:21,714 --> 01:19:24,717
It is... It is that LSD.
1196
01:19:24,884 --> 01:19:27,011
Und his Verdammte "babies"!
1197
01:19:29,305 --> 01:19:30,681
Here. Here!
1198
01:19:31,474 --> 01:19:33,184
Buy bullets.
1199
01:19:33,309 --> 01:19:36,395
Go. Kill.
Kill the actors.
1200
01:19:36,980 --> 01:19:38,982
- What?
- Shut up!
1201
01:19:39,107 --> 01:19:42,777
The actors.
I must destroy the actors.
1202
01:19:43,903 --> 01:19:46,947
Stop! This is insanity!
Have you lost your mind?
1203
01:19:47,073 --> 01:19:49,658
How can you kill the actors?
What do you mean, "kill the actors"?
1204
01:19:49,659 --> 01:19:51,661
Actors are not animals.
They're human beings.
1205
01:19:51,786 --> 01:19:53,954
They are?
Have you ever eaten with one?
1206
01:19:54,080 --> 01:19:56,707
Go! Go, kill! Forward!
1207
01:19:56,874 --> 01:20:00,085
- No!
- Make up your minds!
1208
01:20:00,253 --> 01:20:03,339
What are you doing? We're trapped!
It's either the show or us!
1209
01:20:03,464 --> 01:20:07,176
There's no way out!
What can we do, blow up the theater?
1210
01:20:23,234 --> 01:20:24,985
- Dynamite.
- Dynamite.
1211
01:20:25,111 --> 01:20:26,403
Dynamite.
1212
01:20:31,075 --> 01:20:32,284
- Fuse.
- Fuse.
1213
01:20:32,410 --> 01:20:33,452
Fuse.
1214
01:20:41,085 --> 01:20:42,294
Right.
1215
01:20:42,420 --> 01:20:44,672
And now for the master connection.
1216
01:21:26,714 --> 01:21:29,675
Don't shoot! It's the dynamite.
1217
01:21:29,842 --> 01:21:33,929
If you shoot it,
it will get mad at us and blow us all up.
1218
01:21:34,055 --> 01:21:36,057
That is good thinking.
1219
01:21:36,182 --> 01:21:37,975
I will put this dynamite back.
1220
01:21:38,101 --> 01:21:39,227
Good.
1221
01:21:40,895 --> 01:21:43,856
Next time I produce a play, no author.
1222
01:21:48,861 --> 01:21:51,113
- Max?
- What is it?
1223
01:21:51,239 --> 01:21:53,157
- Max?
- What?
1224
01:21:53,282 --> 01:21:55,951
Remember yesterday
in the office when we were fighting?
1225
01:21:56,077 --> 01:21:57,244
So?
1226
01:21:57,912 --> 01:22:00,998
I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat“.
1227
01:22:08,798 --> 01:22:10,633
Gentlemen.
1228
01:22:10,758 --> 01:22:14,386
We have here a technical problem.
1229
01:22:14,512 --> 01:22:19,012
I do not know whether this little devil
here is the quick fuse or the slow fuse.
1230
01:22:21,144 --> 01:22:23,479
I must find this out.
1231
01:22:35,116 --> 01:22:36,700
This is critical.
1232
01:22:47,587 --> 01:22:49,797
Ah, ja, ja. You see this?
1233
01:22:49,922 --> 01:22:52,799
You see this?
Hear what I have told you?
1234
01:22:52,925 --> 01:22:56,011
Ja. This is an example
of smartness here.
1235
01:22:56,137 --> 01:23:00,637
I have said that this is the quick fuse,
and this is the quick fuse.
1236
01:23:01,809 --> 01:23:04,353
The quick fuse!
1237
01:23:18,242 --> 01:23:21,995
♪ Beautiful for spacious... ♪
1238
01:23:22,121 --> 01:23:23,956
Has the jury reached a verdict?
1239
01:23:25,374 --> 01:23:26,416
We have, Your Honor.
1240
01:23:26,584 --> 01:23:28,043
How does the jury find?
1241
01:23:28,794 --> 01:23:31,671
We find the defendants incredibly guilty.
1242
01:23:31,839 --> 01:23:34,883
Do the defendants
have anything to say in their behalf
1243
01:23:34,967 --> 01:23:37,302
before the court pronounces sentence?
1244
01:23:38,888 --> 01:23:41,348
I would like to say something,
Your Honor.
1245
01:23:41,474 --> 01:23:45,186
Not on my behalf, but in reference
to my partner, Mr Bialystock.
1246
01:23:46,020 --> 01:23:47,187
Proceed.
1247
01:23:47,313 --> 01:23:48,939
Your Honor,
1248
01:23:49,899 --> 01:23:51,984
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
1249
01:23:53,277 --> 01:23:57,030
Max Bialystock is the most...
1250
01:23:58,699 --> 01:24:02,536
selfish man I ever met in my life.
1251
01:24:02,662 --> 01:24:04,205
Don't help me.
1252
01:24:04,330 --> 01:24:06,373
Not only is he a liar...
1253
01:24:07,416 --> 01:24:08,875
and a cheat...
1254
01:24:10,127 --> 01:24:13,004
and a scoundrel and a crook...
1255
01:24:14,006 --> 01:24:17,509
who has taken money
from little old ladies,
1256
01:24:17,635 --> 01:24:22,135
but he's also talked people
into doing things, especially me,
1257
01:24:23,766 --> 01:24:28,020
that they would never in a thousand years
have dreamed of doing.
1258
01:24:29,480 --> 01:24:31,899
But, Your Honor,
1259
01:24:32,024 --> 01:24:34,026
as I understand it,
1260
01:24:35,069 --> 01:24:39,569
the law was created
to protect people from being wronged.
1261
01:24:44,203 --> 01:24:46,455
Your Honor,
1262
01:24:46,581 --> 01:24:50,918
whom has Max Bialystock wronged?
1263
01:24:51,043 --> 01:24:52,794
I mean,
1264
01:24:52,962 --> 01:24:54,922
whom has he really hurt?
1265
01:24:55,047 --> 01:24:56,673
Not me.
1266
01:24:57,758 --> 01:24:59,301
Not me.
1267
01:24:59,427 --> 01:25:01,053
I was...
1268
01:25:02,972 --> 01:25:04,598
This man...
1269
01:25:07,310 --> 01:25:10,146
No one ever called me Leo before.
1270
01:25:10,271 --> 01:25:12,648
I mean,
I know it's not a big legal point,
1271
01:25:12,773 --> 01:25:16,818
but even in kindergarten,
they used to call me Bloom.
1272
01:25:17,695 --> 01:25:20,447
I never sang a song before.
I mean with someone else.
1273
01:25:20,573 --> 01:25:22,950
I never sang a song
with someone else before.
1274
01:25:23,868 --> 01:25:25,411
This man...
1275
01:25:26,704 --> 01:25:28,122
This man...
1276
01:25:29,248 --> 01:25:31,291
This is a wonderful man.
1277
01:25:32,877 --> 01:25:35,087
He made me what I am today.
1278
01:25:36,047 --> 01:25:37,381
He did.
1279
01:25:40,009 --> 01:25:41,969
And what of the dear ladies?
1280
01:25:43,095 --> 01:25:46,681
What would their lives have been
without Max Bialystock?
1281
01:25:48,267 --> 01:25:49,810
Max Bialystock...
1282
01:25:51,020 --> 01:25:53,605
who made them feel young...
1283
01:25:54,774 --> 01:25:56,734
and attractive...
1284
01:25:57,485 --> 01:25:59,320
and wanted again.
1285
01:26:03,366 --> 01:26:05,576
That's all that I have to say.
1286
01:26:10,831 --> 01:26:12,916
Order. Order.
1287
01:26:16,212 --> 01:26:20,299
And may I humbly add, Your Honor,
that we've learned our lesson,
1288
01:26:20,424 --> 01:26:22,509
and that we'll never do it again.
1289
01:26:26,681 --> 01:26:28,557
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.
1290
01:26:31,143 --> 01:26:33,061
♪ Prisoners of love
1291
01:26:33,187 --> 01:26:35,314
♪ Blue skies above
1292
01:26:35,439 --> 01:26:38,775
♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail
1293
01:26:39,527 --> 01:26:41,445
♪ Prisoners of love
1294
01:26:41,570 --> 01:26:43,363
♪ Our turtle doves
1295
01:26:43,489 --> 01:26:47,242
- ♪ Soon coming round with bail.
- No! No! No!
1296
01:26:47,368 --> 01:26:49,995
Now, come on, guys,
let's put a little life in it.
1297
01:26:52,998 --> 01:26:55,166
♪ Prisoners of love
1298
01:26:55,334 --> 01:26:57,419
♪ Blue skies above
1299
01:26:57,586 --> 01:27:01,798
- ♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail.
- Yes, sir!
1300
01:27:01,924 --> 01:27:05,010
♪ Prisoners of love,
our turtle doves... ♪
1301
01:27:05,136 --> 01:27:08,681
You now own 20 per cent of
"Prisoners of Love". Congratulations.
1302
01:27:08,806 --> 01:27:10,140
Yes, sir?
1303
01:27:10,266 --> 01:27:14,270
♪ Oh, you can lock us up
And lose the key... ♪
1304
01:27:16,021 --> 01:27:19,274
You now own 30 per cent of
"Prisoners of Love". Congratulations.
1305
01:27:19,400 --> 01:27:21,026
Yes, sir?
1306
01:27:21,152 --> 01:27:25,652
Erm, the warden would like to make
a little investment in your production.
1307
01:27:27,450 --> 01:27:28,868
Er...
1308
01:27:32,121 --> 01:27:33,872
Tell him he owns 50 per cent of the show.
1309
01:27:33,998 --> 01:27:35,290
- Thanks!
- My pleasure.
1310
01:27:35,916 --> 01:27:37,626
From the top, Franz. Once more.
1311
01:27:37,793 --> 01:27:39,544
Eins, zwei, drei, und...
1312
01:27:41,172 --> 01:27:43,174
♪ Prisoners of love
1313
01:27:43,340 --> 01:27:45,425
♪ Blue skies above
1314
01:27:45,551 --> 01:27:49,680
- ♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail.
- Sing it out, men!
1315
01:27:49,805 --> 01:27:53,558
- ♪ Prisoners of love... ♪
- Higher, you animals, higher!
1316
01:27:53,684 --> 01:27:56,645
We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!
1317
01:27:57,772 --> 01:28:02,234
♪ You can lock us up and lose the key
1318
01:28:02,401 --> 01:28:06,780
♪ But hearts in love are always free
1319
01:28:06,906 --> 01:28:08,991
♪ Prisoners of love
1320
01:28:09,116 --> 01:28:10,867
♪ Blue skies above
1321
01:28:10,993 --> 01:28:14,579
♪ 'Cause we're still prisoners of love
1322
01:28:14,705 --> 01:28:19,042
♪ Oh, you can lock us up and lose the key
1323
01:28:19,210 --> 01:28:22,838
♪ But hearts in love will always be
1324
01:28:26,175 --> 01:28:29,178
♪ Prisoners of love
1325
01:28:31,847 --> 01:28:34,182
♪ Blue skies above
1326
01:28:34,266 --> 01:28:36,434
♪ 'Cause we're still prisoners
1327
01:28:36,560 --> 01:28:38,186
♪ We're still prisoners
1328
01:28:38,312 --> 01:28:42,812
♪ We're still prisoners of love ♪